Part 71 :***

Clarification:

*Deema is upset only and only because she thinks Dalal picked 7amad over her. She has no feelings towards 7amad.

*Dalal doesn’t know that Dayoom is in-love with 5aled…she still thinks she has feelings for 7amad.

(in other words…Deema is pissed that Dalal kissed 7amad without knowing if Deema was over him or not)

*7amad was texting 5aled over lunch asking about Dalal:*

**if this doesn’t clear things up I’ll try to clear it in my next post **
....................................................
Dalal:

I can’t believe my mom just did that!!! I was fine for the last three weeks…I held my own and it just went down the pipe today. My tears graced me with their presence…I guess tears have been my soul comfort…it’s me, my tears and my misery. They all looked fine…they were FINE! Why can’t I be?!

5aled was weird today…I really didn’t expect any of them to talk to me. I miss them…but they hurt me so much. They just let me go. In the end it just taught me a lesson…a lesson 7amad once tried to teach me…I can’t trust anyone.
I shouldn’t trust anyone…why go through the risk of getting hurt when you’re fine the way you are?

My IPod has been the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It mutes everything and everyone. It sometimes numbs my pain but rarely does. It just distracts me.
I can’t believe this. I couldn’t take it any longer so I decided to leave. I grabbed my cross bag and went out through my private entrance. I went to raju and told him to just drive around. After a while I decided to go to McDonalds…since it was once a source of joy to me…it reminds me of my McDonalds guy…what’s his name…oh yeah…the jerk Yousef...I don’t really mind now what he did to me…I think it was for the best. It showed me who I really was madly in-love with. The one person I turned my back on. The one.

I went in and started to place my order…there was a guy behind me waiting and I was really taking my time and changing my orders a lot….so I guess I was kind of a pain to him.
After I settled with what I wanted I turned around not looking at him…and I went to a table waiting.

I got my food and I was eating it…it’s weird to eat alone…very disturbing somehow.
You can’t think at all….you feel everyone’s eyes on you…you can’t eat normally…you’re somewhat of a mess. A guy was sitting with 2 other guys in the table in front of me and every now and then they would turn to look or stare which added to my sucky situation. I didn’t get a good look at him I tried my best to just ignore them.

1 msg from Bader:
Ur looking good today.

I read the message over and over agin…OMG!! HE’S HERE!!???

To Bader:
Where r u?

From Bader:
Right in front of u :P look up

I looked up and there he was…with the other guys in that table…yes that annoying table.
He looked really good. I softly smiled…I didn’t want them to look at me the wrong way.

He really looks good…I didn’t notice how good looking he was.

From Bader:
Mind if I join?

Did he just invite himself over?...WHAT ABOUT HIS FRIENDS?!!
I looked up at him I didn’t realize that “FEAR” was printed on my forehead until I got his next msg.

From Bader:
Don’t worry I won’t touch your fries :P
Shfeech many maklich :P

I giggled…yes I giggled!! It was short and quiet but the point is I GIGGLED!
His friends got up and walked towards the door and Bader made his way to me.

“shlonich?” his voice was different…it was really nice.
“il7imdella…int shlonik?”
“*wink*zain dam shiftich…wainich 3any?” I giggled AGAIN!!
“ag3aad welaaa..”
“ig3ad” I motioned to the seat in front of me.
“yuba adree adree” I giggled …he had a big ego today…I kind of liked it.
“ha shlon il jam3a?”
“tamam…you?”
“mashy il7al”
We were quiet for some time.
“shlon Deema?”

THERE IT IS…I KNOW HE LIKES HER!!

I started to feel the usual pain and hurtfulness I’ve been feeling the last 3 weeks.

“she’s good” my smile faded. I don’t know if she’s fine…my own sister..my best friend and I can’t answer a simple question like that!
“Dalal” SERIOUS TONE!! UGH I HATE THESE TONES!!
“3asa mashar”
“ishar mayeek laish?*faking a smile*”
“Dalal ay wa7ed eemer bigool feech shay”
“do I really look that bad?”
“not bad…thin and tired”
“so I look like crap”
“I didn’t say that”
“whatever…it’s nothing..stupid really…”
“3ala ra7tich…bas ana mawjood *wink*” I faked a smile….

We talked about other things…I couldn’t tell him…as much as I wanted to let it all out…I can’t trust him…I just can’t.

Like I said Bader is the kind of guy you’re not afraid to open up your heart to… to tell him all your dark deep hidden secrets…but I can’t.

He asked about Dayoom a lot…just makes me so sure that he cares about her.
He kept me company for an hour then we both decided to head back home.
......................................................................

Dayoom:

I was standing behind her door…trying to find the right words to tell her..to apologize…to let her know I missed her but I couldn’t bring myself to even knock…not because I was upset but because I was ashamed…I just ignored her for three weeks without truly explaining my reason.

Dalal was my best friend...i used to tell her everything until we met 7amad...I can't even bring myself to knock on her door!

I went back down to them. Sat and pretended like everything was fine. Like I was fine. It’s my fault really I should’ve have told her about me and 5aled.

An hour passed and everyone was getting ready to leave.
We said our goodbyes and as they were leaving…Dalool walked in. I can tell that 7amad was surprised…hell I was surprised I thought she was up in her room.

“Deema Bader yis2al 3anich” that’s all she said and she went in.
5aled turned to look at me…just when I think things can't get any worse they do.
7amad looked like he wanted to kill someone and Fajoor was still lost in her own little world.

Later that night…

5aled calling…

Here it comes…

“5aloody” I pretended like I’m totally fine…I knew he was going to bring it up.
“Deema” CRAP…DEEMA?...this is worse than what I thought.
“hala?”
“ana bara..ta3alelee”
“il7een? 5aled…I…I …its late”
“ana weyach 5ayfa min shino?”
“we decided no more sneaking out at night”
“bas ilayla yala baby I’m out” BABY!! YES!!! He’s my 5aloody
“ok…bas you owe me big time”
“*laughing* whatever you want princess”
“ok I’m coming”
“I love you”
“I love you too” I shut the phone got my sneakers and ran out to him.
.......................................................................

Dalal:

I got into bed and I stayed there…wondering what my life is going to be like. Somehow I knew that 7amad and I weren’t going to be there for each other once we get married since I never thought he felt the same way I did.

But…but I never pictured losing him so fast…especially that way. The one guy who I unconsciously gave my heart to…is gone. My close friends gone with a blink of an eye. My sister well she’s not there anymore.

Is this going to last? Are they really never going to speak to me again?...i need them in my life…I want them back…I want the last 3 weeks to just turn into a dream…a horrible nightmare. I hate this…I hate this feeling…these days…these endless hours.

If I could wish for anything at all…I want him back in my life.

I didn’t realize this until I lost him. Until I lost 7amad.

He was my source of joy…he makes me smile…he can make me laugh with just one look. He comforts me with his presence. He knew me…the real me and he loved me…he loved me for being me…he accepted all my quirkiness and my always in trouble attitude…he even accepted me Dating!...i want him back. I want my smile back…that smile he paints on my face. I want the fun times we had back and if I could I want to kiss him back and never let him go. Tell him I’m yours now and forever. Let him know that he’s the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I dress up for. I miss him…I miss his smile…his laugh…his attitude…I miss his drives…I miss his lessons…I just miss him and I don’t want to anymore.

For the last three weeks I’ve been missing him and dreaming of the day where I just wake and find out that this was all a nightmare.

When will that day come?

Tears hugged my face as I tried to sleep.
...................................................................................


Dayoom:

I got in his blue cayenne, kissed his cheek and we drove off.
“What are we going to do?”
“It’s a surprise”
“I love your surprises”
“8a9bin 3alaich” we laughed.

He parked in an isolated parking near an abandoned building…if I was here on my own I would probably be crying just by the sight of this scary place…but he’s here…he’ll always be here.
He turned to look at me.

“shall we?” he turned the radio on and he got out of his car. I followed him confused.
He pulled me into his arms and he swayed with the music. I started to laugh…we were dancing in the middle of nowhere…and it was out of nowhere…I didn’t see this coming.
I loved his welcoming strong arms and his smell drives me crazy…

He’s my drug…he can either destroy me or cure me…or he’ll always be my cure.
I danced with him as the radio softly filled the air between us. He was looking at me differently…it’s as if he was discovering something new.
“a7bich” he whispered in my ear.
I blushed like crazy…after all the time I heard it from him I still blush.

“ana akthar” I was afraid of showing him my real feelings…maybe I was afraid he might hurt me…like Yousef did to Dalal…do these relationships really work?
He crushed me against his wide warm hard chest allowing me to take in his scent.

“not possible”

We kept dancing and after that he opened his trunk and we sat starring out at the dangerously scary place we were in…it’s not so scary now.
I guess having a wonderful memory of us dancing here made this place have potential to look less harsh and more beautiful.
“why’d you bring me here?”
“*smiling* I like this place…forget about the old building and the mess over there *motioning with his hands* it’s not bad”
“I like it” he gave me one of his looks
“I DO!! At first I didn’t because it’s so scary but now it’s…it’s ours”
“yes it is…Deema?”
“Deema?” I smiled my crocked smile..i knew something was up
“I can’t wait…I want to marry you…I’m telling my parents tomorrow”
“WHAT?!!” I jumped out of the trunk.
He jumped out after me.
“YOU CAN’T!!!”
“WHY NOT?!!”
“I CAN’T!! I can’t….5aled…I can’t”
“Deema abeech itkoneen zojty wela ma2beech”
“what?” I barely said

He closed the gap between our two bodies and held me softly.

“ana shareech…maby akoon wa7ed it7beena…aby akoon zoojch”
“5aled…I’m 18!! I don’t want to get married…I don’t want to”
“age doesn’t matter”
“yes it does…it does to me”
“I’m 20 so what”
“we’re too young! 5aled please be rational!! This isn’t what you want…we’re not ready”
“maybe you’re not but I am…agoolich ana mist3ed asawy ayshay tabeena…I can take care of the both of us financially and I can take care of you”
“I don’t doubt that 5aled…I know that…I know you…but I can’t and I won’t marry you now…not now”
“why not?”
“we’re too young…I told you!...abby at5araj awal...don’t look at me like that…you know I want you…you know that but I can’t.”
“then we’re going to have to stop this until that time comes”
“what?!”
“Deema gitlich maby akoon wa7ed it7beena…ya akoon raylich ya walashay”
“STOP IT!!! JUST STOP IT!!! You have no right!!! You can’t just do this!!”
“I’m sorry bas once you graduate I’ll knock on your door”
“I’ll marry you is that what you want?!!! FINE!!!”
“not like that…I won’t marry you like that”
“it’s what you want isn’t it?!...why’d you bring me here? Just say it…you don’t want me anymore…you knew I wasn’t ready to get married and you knew I wasn’t going to go through with it…perfect place to dump me…congratulations you just did” I turned and walked to my door and I got in.

What just happened? This isn’t happening.


He got in after a few minutes…I was quiet starring out my window trying to hold back the tears as hard as I could. They were screaming to be set free.

He still hasn’t started the car and I wasn’t going to look at him no matter what.
“Deema…Deema…Deema 6al3eeny”
“take me home” I kept my eyes on my window not looking back at him.
“Deema ga3d akalmich shoofeeny” he was irritated. GOOD!
“wadny ilbait!”
“DEEMA!” my head spun around to face him…my heart both racing and bleeding.
“better…shgiltay tawich?”
“magilt shay…I said take me home” something I learned from Dalool was to act dumb and drive anyone insane.
“DEEMA!”
“lat9ar5! Abby arroo7 ilbait!”
“*taking a deep breath* Deema 3abalich al3ab weyach ana?...3eeday ilkalam illy gilty!”
“maby… int sim3ta mala da3y a3eeda…now take me home or I’ll leave on my own”

Next thing I heard were the locks…he locked me in.

“did you mean it?” he looked like he was going to kill me soon.
Perfect place to commit a crime…
“I’m not answering anymore questions I want to go home…”
“DID YOU MEAN IT?!!!”
“I don’t know”
“yes or no?!!”
“I DON’T KNOW!”
“agoolich aby atzawijich itgooleenly dump?!!!”
“you broke up with me…now take me home!!!”
“no no I didn’t”
“want me to refresh your memory?...let’s see…oh yeah… ya akoon raylich ya walashay…and.. itkoneen zojty wela ma2beech…pretty much says it all…I think it’s clear what you want…now
take me home”

“MANEY IMWADEECH ILBAIT ZAIN?!!”

He never yelled at me like that and just on queue my tears fell. I looked away and tried to hide it but it was useless. It’s something I couldn’t control…they were soft, quiet and they followed one after the other. I guess I was too mad to actually cry out loud. Or was I too scared?

“SHOOFEENY!!!”
I turned to look at him…for the first time I was afraid of him…I was afraid of my 5aled.
I just wanted to run…just run from all this.

I can see that this thing we had…it’s…it’s more painful and the only thing we’ll end up with is pain…nothing good can come out of this.

I felt my ribs caving in from his intense stare.

“Deema ilkalam mat3eedeena marathanya! Ana mu ay wa7ed tamsheen witgooleenla chithy!! Lama agool batzawijich ya3ni batzawijich…mu ga3ad al3ab 3alaich! Ba3dain cham mara gitlich iny a7bich?!!! Itha mabeech chan minziman miftaka miny bas ana shareech!”

I was quiet he was mad…he was mad at me.

He held my face and he leaned in fast pressing his lips on mine…it’s was hard…angry…like he wanted to show me what I mean to him…I was what he wanted…his lips stayed on mine and we kissed. It was a desperate kiss…not the one I’m used to.

It slowly turned into a passionate one and slowly became a sweet one. He took my breath away.

“Deema many hadich bas many imkamel ma3ach”

“5aled take me home” I don’t have the energy anymore to talk to him…to argue with him.
He doesn’t want me now…I shouldn’t hold on to him.

He took me home and I fell asleep with my tears as the last chapter of me and 5aled. The one guy I thought would never hurt me…never let me go through what I’m going through.
What did he mean?!! I want you but I’m not going to be with you?!! he wants to marry me bas he doesn’t want to be with me now!?! he’s only hurting me!
……………………………………………….
Dalal:

I walked down to my old room…I missed my shared room with her. I stood out the door and I heard her crying…she was crying?!!!

I was about to walk in like I always do to comfort her…it’s something we did for each other but as I held the handle I couldn’t. She doesn’t want to see me…not in a time like this. She might need someone but that someone is definitely not me.

I walked away…I didn’t think that walking away would hurt so much.
As I walked towards the staircase I heard a door opening and there she was drenched in her tears.

I walked back to her and she hugged me…she hugged me?
I didn’t really fully grasp the situation I was in…but I hugged her back.

Her words were slurry and were cut short from her hard time breathing but I think I got most of it down. She was sorry and she hates what she did to me that alone made me cry. We walked back in to her room I sat down waiting to hear what’s bothering her.

I heard (over… 7amad…but…5aled…love…marry…it’s all over.)

After settling down she told me everything…EVERYTHING!!

SHE WAS INLOVE WITH 5ALED?!! WTH?!!

5ALED?!! AS IN 7AMAD’S BROTHER?!!

WHY THE HELL WAS SHE MAD AT ME?!
“deema laish zi3altay 3alay?!!! I let him go 3ashanich…because I thought you still loved him…7amad that is”
“*sniff* I’m sorry…I I thought you k kissed him and you…you didn’t know about me and ..5 5a 5aled. *sobs* I I th thought you chose him”
“I didn’t! I chose you and you let me go! You made me feel like crap! I hated myself for what I did…I thought I hurt you so much!! but it turns out that you were the one to hurt me ”

i got up off the bed mad...i was furious she made me go through all this when in reality she never had a thing for my 7amad...just a silly crush she calls it!!!

i'm not crushing on him i love him and i let him go....and all this time she was with 5aled...enjoying her time with the man she loved while i suffered alone. she grabbed my hand and kept apologizing and asking me to forgive her.

i yelled at her and i don't remember what i was saying but who would do that?!!! I didn't want to but i couldn't hold it...i was going through hell for three weeks and it just came out on her. for a breif moment i felt like she deserved it...i would've been in his arms by now. I calmed down...she looked like shit and i didn't want to make things worse.

i was about to leave when she grabbed firmly on to my wrist.

“I I’m really s so sorry…D..Dalal wala…wala I didn’t want to hurt you”

she pulled me in for a hug...

I hugged her…as much as I wanted to yell at her I hugged her…I knew her…I knew she wouldn’t have done what she did…
“what are you going to do now?”
“I I don’t..kn know!! I love h him…Dalal I love him so much I can’t..i can’t picture my life without him!”
“Deema that’s what I feel towards 7amad and you took it away…I don’t want to blame you…I don’t…but don’t lose your 7amad”
“5aled is my 7amad and I think I already lost him”
“no…no you didn’t”


We cried that night and we fell asleep not knowing what tomorrow brings.