Part 70 :***

Dayoom:

A few hours before my outburst with Dalool…
I was in our chalet and Dalool hasn’t left her room in 3 days! I hate Yousef! ugh! He’s making her
miserable!

7amad looks really tired…it’s like he hasn’t slept in days. I don’t know what’s up with him. I went over to Fajoor’s chalet waiting for her to come down. As I waited I could hear 7amad and 5aled discussing something on the porch…they didn’t see me come in so I went over to say hello.

As I walked towards them I could hear them more clearly.
7amad’s face showed every emotion running through his body…hurt...Frustration...Worry…anger…and love. 7amad is usually a hard person to read but today…anyone can see what he’s going through.

“5alood! 5ara3t’ha! Gitlik bitkoon ‘3al6a!...” he whispered in anger.
“7amood 9adegni it7ibik!...ya5y in6er wit shoof”
“shfeek mu fahm?! Ilbnya in7ashat awal ma darat!”
“int il’3al6an ma7ad galik itboos’ha! Ya3ni 3a6’ha fer9a”
“ilmushkila inha basatny….bas mat7ibny”
“7amood! Walla it7ibik!!! Tabeen a7lef izyada?”
“5alood! Mashift wayh Dalal…nadmana! Mat7ibni!”
DALAAAAL?!! MY DALAAAL?!!! NO IT CAN’T BE…
“mit2kid inha mat7ibik?”
“madree 5alood madree…laish basatny Itha mat7ibni?!!”
“int ily bist’ha! Ba3dain Dalool mit3awda 3alaik 3ala asas inik 7amood…her close friend of 3-4 years”

I left them there…

THEY KISSED?!!! OMG!!!!

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

THIS WHOLE TIME SHE WAS CRYING IT WAS ABOUT 7AMAD?!!!

As I climbed the stairs anger took a hold on me…I became its prisoner.

SHE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT ME AND 5ALED!!! SHE THINKS I STILL LOVE 7AMAD AND
SHE KISSED HIM!!!!

SHE KISSED HIM NOT KNOWING THE TRUTH!!!

7AMAD MEANS NOTHING TO ME BUT A FRIEND BUT SHE DOESN’T KNOW THAT!!!

MY OWN SISTER!!!!!

WHAT IF I STILL HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM?!!! OMG!!!

SHE CHOSE 7AMAD?!

I barged into her room and I started to yell…I don’t remember much of what I said but I was furious….could she really? I mean my own sister picked him!

I walked to my room..

Would I do that to her?...would I pick 5aled over her? No matter what I would never do that…not to her.

I would never…but…Pain replaced my anger…I love her so much and I thought I mattered to her…my own flesh and blood…my twin…my best friend... I meant nothing to her.

I stayed in my room…as these thoughts went through me…I would never chose a guy over family…but she did.
……………………………………………………
Dalal:

I was confided in my room too scared to leave.

What am I going to tell him?

Deema obviously still loves him. I can’t lose her….I just can’t.

YOU AND I ARE NO LONGER SISTERS!!!

Her words kept playing in my head none stop…my tears fell softly.
In a perfect world…I would be in 7amad’s arms and Dayoom would be my Dayoom…but this isn’t a perfect world and I can’t have them both…I’m going to have to let 7amad go.

I promised her…what makes me so sure he won’t hurt me?...because it’s 7amad he wouldn’t….but…what makes me so sure that he wants me?!! ME!!
What if I’m just another crush?! What if he gets bored?...what if I’m not what he expects? What if? What if?!!! What if?!!!!!

UGH!!! I can’t….Deema is my sister and she always will be but…7amad…oh god…I love him. I would die if anything happens to him but I’m not his…I can’t be…he’s not going to be around…
I’m not willing to lose my sister over a guy but…7amad…he’s not just a guy to me.

As these thoughts kept repeating in my head tears filled my eyes.
The man of my dreams…the man that stole my heart … the man that took hold of my heart and never gave it back…isn’t going to be mine…nor will I be his.
Not having him as more than a friend kills me but I won’t lose him as a friend…I need to fix this.

I need to fix this fast.

I got out of bed…it felt like ages and I got dressed. I wore my jeans and a fitted grey top.
I took a deep breath and I walked down and out of my chalet towards his chalet.
I saw him out on his porch and he came towards me as soon as his eyes saw me.

My heart was trembling out of control…my hands shaking for what I’m about to do and my legs froze just by the sight of him.
Never did I think I would be turning down 7amad.

“Dalal?” his voice killed…it’s been too long since I last heard his manly voice.
I tried to speak but I couldn’t…it’s 7amad and I couldn’t!
He held my shaking hand and pulled me behind him to the gap between our chalet. I guess he wanted privacy.
I stood there, the wall behind me and 7amad in front of me.
“Dalal” he started again softly but I interrupted
“7amad *shaky voice* let’s start over…forget everything…a new page?…nothing’s changed like we always are… friends?” this is the only way I get to have him in my life.
He looked annoyed. I’ve never seen him like this.
“Dalal agoolich a7ibich itgooleen let’s start over and be friends?!...”
“7amad nothing happened!”
He punched the wall next to me hard…he was losing it!
“I love you can’t you understand that?!”
“7amad” I barely chocked out.
“Dalal jawbeny 3al hasu2al…it7beeny?” my heart pounded aggressively.
A7BIK!!!
I stayed quiet and looked away.

The only way is to lie…

“I don’t see you that way” I avoided his eyes
“3ayal aby afham laish bisteeny??” WHAT?!
“you kissed me!” I defended
“you kissed me back!”
“I didn’t mean to…it’s nothing!”
“it’s not nothing!!! *he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me closer to him* I can’t be your friend any more…I want you…not as a friend”
“I can’t”
He let go of me , his eyes…I’ve never seen them like this..., he turned and walked away…he walked away not looking back…he walked away trying to forget me.
................................................................
Dayoom:
2 weeks passed since my tantrum with her.

I’m still angry with her…but..ugh!...I love her and I want her to be with 7amad…it’s like they’re meant to be but…I still can’t believe she picked him over me.

For the last 2 weeks I’ve ignored her and pretended she didn’t exist…I noticed that somehow Fajoor found out about the kiss thing and she’s siding with 7amad.

I’m angry at her for doing what she did knowing that I supposedly loved him. Fajoor was upset and she really has no clue…she just thinks that Dalool doesn’t see her brother 7amad as worthy of her…and probably because it hurts her to see him this way.

5aled was at his brother’s side and they avoided my sister as much as possible.
I’m kept in the circle of friends…we were still the old gang with one member missing…well more like not welcomed anymore.

When I glance her way…she looks really pale and she lost a lot of weight. It’s like she’s lifeless…she’s not taking this well but I’m still upset.
…………………………………………………………………….
DALAL:

2 weeks passed and everyone was avoiding me. The whole gang sided with him. They didn’t even give me a chance to explain.

Whenever I walk near them they move away. If I was in the same place as they are they’d pretend I’m not there. To them I was dead…hell I didn’t exist in the first place. I was invisible.
It didn’t matter what happens to me…I’m nothing to them.

The people I cared for the most….the ones I loved…I trusted aren’t there.

This feeling in my chest and pit of my stomach won’t go away and it’s too much to bear…it’s eating me alive and I can’t do anything about it.

This is something I can’t handle…I thought what I went through with Yousef was the hardest thing but this…this is no comparison.

My tears have been my company for two weeks….when I see him…something deep down moves from its place and my tears are screaming for their freedom. My hands go numb whenever I see any of them. Dayoom pretends I’m simply a person who shares a room with her.
My parents are building my own room on the third floor since my dad thinks we’re older now and we need our privacy.

It’s going to finish in a few days…guess I’ll never catch her now…I’m sure as soon as my room is done I won’t get to see her at all.

I haven’t noticed that I’m not eating…but…who would want to when you’re entire world was taken away from you?

A week later...
3 weeks passed since the kiss…
I got settled in my room…it was gorgeous and larger than what I expected.
I loved it but then again who wouldn’t love a room of their own?...I faked a smile in front of my parents and hugged my mom since she designed it herself.
That numbing feeling was still there…I haven’t laughed in so long…I don’t remember the last time I smiled…really smiled.
“shrayich?”
“I love it…thank you *faking a smile*”
“ee..you should…it’s the biggest room in the house…the living room isn’t as big as this”
“*faking a laugh* I do”
“Shaklee ba5th’ha lee”
“no….mama it’s mine” I whined pretending like I was my old self.
“*laughing* ok ok”

She ushered me to my huge windows and showed me a door. I thought it was the bathroom but no…it was a private entrance!!!!

I hugged her so hard.

She took me to see my bathroom and I fell in-love. It had everything you can think of…I just wish I was really enjoying this.

For three weeks I’ve been faking everything…my smiles, my laughs even my walk…I walk like I was fine…radiating confidence…like my legs can carry me.

I haven’t had Ice-cream in so long… my mom invited 5alty Haya and well…all of them really for lunch tomorrow. This is going to be the first time I sit with them all.

As I laid on my new bed and I kept picturing tomorrow…will it be awkward?...of course it will who am I kidding?

The next day:

I wore my yellow dress and my beige flats just as I was told by mom…I pulled my hair up into a ponytail…nothing special. I didn’t feel like doing anything.

I made my way down…I could hear the racket they were making. My heart kept pounding. I tried to back out of it but my mom insisted…actually she gave me no choice.
I took a deep breath and entered the living room area where they were all seated. It suddenly went quiet. I hate this!!!

For some reason I couldn’t look up. I focused hard on the ground and squeezed the life out of my phone. I kissed 5alty Haya and found an empty sofa to sit on. The conversation came back up again and my heart couldn’t stop fluttering!

I could feel their eyes on me…I pretended I was busy with my phone when in reality I was playing a game.

We went and we all sat on the table. Fajoor was in front of me, 7amad next to her and 5aled next to me while Dayoom sat at the opposite head of the table near 7amad and 5aled . My mom and 5alty Haya were facing each other in different ends.

Everyone started to fill their plates and I just stared out into space. I wasn’t in the mood to eat.
My mom took my plate and filled it for me. It’s now a habit of hers to make sure I eat. I can tell my mom feared for me the last three weeks since my appetite changed.

I played with my food...moving it around my plate as I watched it. 5aled got a message and he looked up at 7amad and back down at his phone.

I looked back at my plate and kept moving the food around.
I felt 5aled getting closer to me Which is weird since I haven’t talked to him in 3 weeks.
“hi… shfeech matakleen?” he asked softly in my ear.
It took me a while to realize he talked to ME!! I turned to look at him and I just shrugged my shoulders.
“mu yo3ana” I whispered back to him.
He got another message.
I heard him sigh at 7amad…I really don’t understand them.
“tabeen takleen shay thany?” he asked again in my ear.
“no thanks…I’m not hungry that’s all” I looked up at 7amad whose eyes were on me. I missed his eyes…he looked down at his phone and he started to text again. I looked away trying to forget he’s there…the pain in my chest suddenly multiplied and I felt overwhelmed.
5aled whispered in my ear again.
“wayed ‘6a3fana you should eat Dalool…3ashany?” WHAT’S WITH HIM?!!!
“*faking a smile* inshala” I whispered back…Dayoom’s eyes were on fire.
What’s her deal?! What? I’m not supposed to talk to anyone she knows?!!!

As I tried to mute the conversation they were having…5alty Haya started to address me.
“Daloola mama wayed ‘6a3fana…3asa masher?”
“ishar mayeech..*nervous fake laugh*”
“madree shfeeha matakel mithel gabel…wela taby itsawy shay” RATTED OUT BY MY OWN MOM!!

I don’t like where this conversation is going.
“haa?!*shocked expression* Daloola 7abibty muzain…feech shay?”
“laa 5alty *faking a smile*”

I know she loves me as a daughter and I do feel like she’s my other mother but I don’t think it’ll last…since her children can’t stand me anymore…

“3ad gabl cham yoom legayt’ha 6ay7a ‘3ashyana bil 7amam…zain ma ‘3regat”
7amad eyes were shocked…I wanted to cry…I didn’t want to remember what happened.
………………………….

A few days back…

I just couldn’t hold it in any longer…I wanted to cry so badly and I just wanted this emptiness inside me to go away.
I went to take a nice bubble bath but I just sat in the cooling water. That’s all I remember.
………………………………………
“HAW?!!!” 5alty Haya looked really worried
“ee wala…Dashait 3alaiha wela ihya ta7at ilmay mu ga3d tit7arak”

Everyone was looking at me and I couldn’t handle this. Dayoom didn’t know about this at all.
Everyone was quiet and I didn’t look up…I stared hard on my plate.
“il7imdelaa 3ala kil 7al…ashwa ma9ar feeha shay”
“ee wala…bas wayed a7san il7een min awal ilayam”
I got up and left them … I couldn’t take it anymore.
7amad looked fine…like nothing happened. I guess I didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me. Hell they all look fine…I need to get over this…
………………………………………
Dayoom:

OMG!!! SHE DROWNED?!!! WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I KNOW THAT?!
Omg! Thank god ma9ar feeha shay!...I miss her I can’t do this anymore I want her back.

Walla if anything happens to her I won’t forgive myself for not mending things up with her.
5aled held my hand under the table and I looked up at him. This boy can read me in a way no one can.

He saw how I cared and whispered softly.
“go to her” that’s when I moved and went after Dalool. I can’t take this anymore.I need to make sure she's fine but why can't i forgive her?

I stood there outside her room contemplating whether to go in or not.