Blind Love 63

I'm so sorry guys, i'm feeling a bit under the weather :( as soon as i feel better I'll post an extra long post :(

i just managed to read all the comments from the previous post, I'll make it up to you guys enshaalaa ;*

This one goes out to Dee Dee ;* 

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LULU:

i kept quiet...i must have heard wrong...it took all the courage in me to reply...

“na3am?”

“a7bich o sharyeech, o hal kelma mu sahla agoolha”

“3bdala lo sama7t” it felt...Wrong...it just felt wrong but...

“adrii walla adrii mu wagta agool hal 7achi bas hatha el9ij o abeelich el5air”

“madri shagool”

“mabeech itgooleen shay, wala eni mtwag3 itgooleen shay, mara7 yt‘3ayar shay baina laken ba‘6el a7bich, o abeech bas hal marra t7awleen, etha nj7at hal tajroba 5air o brka o etha manj7at malla katb o mntai nag9a shay...o ham ra7 akoon mawjood bkl el7altain”

his hands still on top of mine...For the first time in my life...

i understood the meaning behind “taking my breath away” which is exactly what he just did...

i don’t really know how to describe it but it feels...incredibly dangerous and risky but at the same time so safe and secure.

“ha shtgooleen? *chuckle*”

i smiled softly and nodded...

“eee! 5alich chithy! latrdidain marthainya *chuckle*”

he was right...in the end, this is For ME and me alone. i have nothing to lose...

except...maybe 3abdala... he might change his mind if this doesn’t work out, why would he stay with me if i’ll always be blind...constantly taking care of me...

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JINAN:

Honestly...i don’t know what’s worse...being forced to be civil with him and hearing him go on and on and on and on and on and on and ON about his life after the last time i saw him or actually starting to get immune with him being around...

i have to admit...he’s done a lot for himself but i still HATE him...

i think the feeling is mutual but i have no idea why he’s tolerating me either...

As I was going on and on in my head about all the bad things i hate about him, the things i can’t stand or tolerate, he brought up a topic so sensitive so shocking and so unexpected...I hated myself right then and there...  

“I’m actually a year behind than you and hind”

“why?....let me guess, curriculum too hard for you?...it happens with people who suffer from a low IQ”

TAKE THAT!    

“ *laugh* laaa  *chuckle* el7ageega 5athaytli sna off 3goob wafat elwaldain....alla yur7amhom, 3ashan chithy shwaya mt25er 3an baji elrab3 *smile*”

i could feel all the blood in my face drain out...

what?! shlon?! how and WHY DIDN’T HE CALL ME?!

“*gasp* 3atham alla ajerk! makena nadri” Hind spoke 

i just kept looking back at him...he kept his eyes on me then turned to hind with a sincere smile...

“ajerna o ajrich... 7adth sayara *shrugging his shoulders* gatha2 o gadar...”

so this is what a jerk feels like?...i feel like crap!

“3ashan chithy saken 3ind 5ali, martha ag3ad fil bait broo7i *side smile* o ham fta7li shgta hni”

oh god now i remember what i told him when we were in the airplane together...could things get any worse?

FLASHBACK:

on the flight heading to London:

“ay otail 7ajzeen?”

“m7na sakneen ib otail”

“ha 3ayal? shqa?”

“la2” i like how i’m slowly getting on his nerves with my answers...

“e7na ibnaskn ib shqat 5alii 9ob... ” i interrupted 

“a grown man crashing at his uncles apartment instead of staying in a hotel that just says it all..”

“*chuckle* he’s not just my uncle you know”

“does it look like i care? *he looked away while Hind gave me a look*...*muffled rumble*”

he smiled softly...

“3eeday 3eeday masma3t”

“I’m..*muffled rumble *” he squinted his eyes pretending he didn’t hear me...

“I said i’m sorry!”

“agool laish wayhich m3tfs...kil hatha 3ashan t3tathrain?”

“malik sh’3l!”

End of flash back.

I couldn't say one word to him after that....the whole time i was just...Silent. I couldn't raise my glance to his, i kept my eyes on my plate...

every once in a while i'd look up at him and his eyes would catch mine...i didn't know how to be myself anymore..well the person i usually am when i'm around him...

all i feel now towards Jassim is sadness and sorrow.

next thing i knew his hand grabbed mine and i jilted up right, taken off by his sudden approach...

he leaned forward towards me, while hind and 6alal stood watch....

Blind Love 62

LULU:

“Joury?!”

“la7tha la7thaa...hach lulu kalmeeha” he handed the phone over to me

“JOURY?!”

“BABY!”

“you knew?!!!”

“of course i knew, i know everything *evil laugh*”

“wait wait where’s *whispering* saif? and you know?!!!”

“oh they’ll be here any second!! bas i needed to check on you, how are you holding up?”

“i’m hanging in there, still coming tomorrow?”

“ee, I’ll be right by your side when the results come out, i’m really proud of you lulu, oh!! you won’t believe who i ran into today!!!”

“who?!!!”

“Lulu elnurse na6rtich”

“fares! As in FARES!”

“i have to go but OH MY GOD! bye bye!!”

i could hear her laugh as i gave back the phone to whoever grabbed it, i hope it was 9ali7 ;S

it feels so surreal, I kept reminding myself to calm down and not be so optimistic. 

it’s always the same and this is no exception...i’m blind and i’ll always be blind.

the nurse got me to do several tests and i kept panicking inside, everything was racing, especially my weak heart...as if i was screaming silently but no one notices. 

20 minutes later...

i can’t, i can’t do this! have i completely lost my mind?!!

this is just like all the rest, what makes this any different?!

I’M PERMANENTLY BLIND! 

I’M BLIND AND I’LL ALWAYS BE BLIND!

and do i need more pity from 3bdalla and everyone when this too fails??!! especially NOT 3abdalla!!

why should they get their hopes high as well?

why am i even considering this?!!!

i was in deep thought when i got interrupted from my semi- melt down in my head

“lulu? *concern voice*”

“3bdala?!”

“*chuckle* shfeech e5tra3tay?”

“3bdala mabeek tz3al bas wala ma...”

“lulu e7na weyach”

“magdar! 3bdala mashkoor 3ala kelshay bas magdar”

“lulu!*anger*”

honestly it’s the first time i hear anger in his voice... and just like that waterworks came rushing by...

“I can’t and won’t do this..I want to go home now” i could feel his hands over mine again...

“shfeekom? ha? Lulu shfeeech!?!!”

“9ali7 alla e5aleek mabi aswii shay abi ard lkuwait”

“9ali7 abi akalmha etha sma7t t5aleena”

i started to panic, i knew i was crying but the way he asked my brother to leave us alone was...different. 

“lulu...3abalich ma a5af 3alaich?”

“3bdala mu ga9dy”

“sm3eenii..lulu entai ‘3air...”

‘3air? what does he mean by ‘3air?! 

“mara7 a5leech itsaween shay etha fakart ena by‘6rich, ba3dain maison mu ay wa7d..."

“3bdala mabi amr bnafs eltajroba 5ala9, 5alni b7ali”

“magdar! magdar ashoofich chithy o adri ena beedi shay o eni agdar asa3dich o bla5eer a5leech”

“laish?! bas 3bdala mashkoor wala mag9art bas ana rathya!”

“lulu...*deep breathe* tathqeen feeni?”

“akeed bas”

“bdoon bas”

“3abdala!”

“lulu!....*sigh* a7bich"

and just like that i was left speechless...

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JOURY:

As soon as i got home i got dressed and ready, they should be here any minute now...

i kept readjusting everything, from my dress to the perfection of my eyeliner...

i couldn't help but think of Fares...seeing him today.

He looks different yet still the same...

why am i even thinking of him!!

i checked the time and i realized Lulu should be done from her meet and greet with Dr.Maison so i immediately called her...

after 3 missed calls i started to panic, it's just so unlike her not to pick up!

i immediately called 9ali7!

He reassured me that she was fine and i got to talk to her for a bit...her voice was a bit unsettling but i'm pretty sure she's in good hands.

once i ended the phone call, i sat carefully on my couch...I was even dreading having a crease on my sky blue dress!

I just can't wait to see my baby!

The door bell rang and I FLEW down the flight of stairs...my own mother gave me a look, now that's just embarrassing...

"5alich 3agla" she managed to say before opening the doors..

i couldn't help but smile idiotically..

i was hiding in a separate room waiting to be "called" out.

i kept checking on my hair and lipstick like a maniac.

Then came the big moment where i hear my mothers call.

it's just saif, it's just Saif i kept repeating...

I walked out from around the corner to see all three standing up waiting for me...

My eyes immediately landed on one handsome Saif.

Smiling and showing off his pearly whites.  He looked so put together wearing a crispy white DishDasha...

He looks so....*sigh*....

I walked towards my mother and went near his mother who had a warm smile and kind eyes...

i now know where he gets that smile that makes me weak in the knees and that look that instantly makes me feel like i'm the safest girl in the world.

I kissed her as pleasantries were exchanged and i could feeeeeeeeeeeeel Saif starring at me.

I then "PRETENDED" like it was the first time i ever see him.

he had a smirk on his face...and i KNEW what he was saying behind those eyes...

I could feel like he wanted to laugh out loud at my "Acting" skills and i wanted to do the same towards his...

So after we exchanged pleasantries i turned around to go back to my mother when she head bobs me to sit next to him...

Honestly...i'd prefer if she says it out loud that way his mother would think i was "being forced" to sit next to him...but oh well...

he scooted over for me to sit.

I could help but notice HE WAS BLUSHING!

Every time i look up to see him, he'd look away trying so hard to hide his gorgeous smile..

"Shlonich Joury?"

i could just melt right then and there...all my doubts, all my questions went away just like that...

"el7mdela, ent shlonik?"

"b5air damich b5air"

I talked with his mother about my studies, where i'd like to work, how college life was treating me...

i then had a "get to know" convo with saif

"elmshkla madrii shs2lich, kelshay a3rfa" he teased softly

i giggled as i replied

"wala ana *giggle*"

we kept looking back at our mothers as they gave us a corner of the eye look with a smirk.

Blind Love 61

WARNING: Short post but! i'll be posting tomorrow as well enshala ;)

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LULU:

my heart starting aching, i knew what they were talking about i just didn’t want to hear it...

i thought that we were past this! why can’t they just get that..

“lulu ohwa dctor jra7at 3yoon o m5ta9 bhal mawthoo3, o bas eshoofich ygdar mn ba3dha enshala e7alil weyana wath3ich”

“3ashan chithy yaybeeni hni?”

“lulu” he said carefully

“nabilich el5air o etha hal dctor ygdar esa3dich”

“o ana mali ray bl mawthoo3?!” i interrupted  

all i could hear were  the exact words i constantly got from all the previous doctors...that my condition is permanent...

“Lulu mntay 5asrana shay bas m7awla a5eera”

“9ali7 ana sakart elmawthoo3 mn zman! chan kalamtooni blkuwait! bdal mata5thooni hni”

“we’re already here, lulu he’s in the building across the street. bas 5ali eshoofich!” i could feel the desperation in his voice.

i didn’t know what to say, i didn’t even know what to think about all of this...

This topic, This topic no matter how you come about it, it’s always painful and hard. i couldn’t grasp what they actually wanted from me.

it was hard enough to accept the fact that I’ll always be blind, It took a lot from me, my strength and my emotions to really accept that there was no hope in me ever seeing again.

I ACCEPTED IT. I was grateful to be alive, i was starting to feel alive again. I’m at peace with it. I’m at peace with being blind..

that last sentence echoed in my head...

I’m at peace...

next thing i felt a pair of big warm hands over mine...holding tightly i might add...

“tathgeen feeni?” i nodded

“3ayal emshai weyay enshoof maison”

everything in me was in hyper mode. i couldn’t describe what was going through me ... my hands were trembling.

As we were entering maison’s building 9ali7 spoke a few comforting words then he got all serious...

“lulu 7ayati sm3ay” i could feel how unsure he was...

“lo sh9eer weyana na7md rabna 3ala el97a wl3afia”

i nodded in agreement...

as we got to the floor i could hear 3bdala and dr.maison talking in the distance...

9ali7 held on to me tightly...i could feel that he was over protective..

“9ali7 oboy yadrii?”

I heard a lot about experimental treatments but no way, shape or form was my dad risking me or my life on it.

9ali7 kept quiet...i could actually feel a bit of guilt in the air somewhere..

“la2” he finally let out...

“why?” i asked knowing the answer...

“you know why...3ayara mako fayda mnch” i giggled, under all this pressure i managed to giggle...

“so this beautiful creature is the famous lulu”

i heard 9ali7 annoyingly clearing his throat i couldn’t help but laugh... brotherly instincts you could say...

“magdar aswii shay lana hal kalb ohwa eli bshoofich” he whispered in my ear...

i let out a huge laugh...typical 9ali7.

next thing i felt my hand being lifted into a shake and of course i got that it was Dr.maison introducing himself to me.

At Maison’s Office...

So he sat with us and explained how he usually works and the procedures i might go through after we get some tests done and checked.

“as for now i need some x-rays and get a few basic tests that’ll determine the extent of damage”

“damage”

everything was coming right at me too fast, i don’t think i was able to grasp what was going on...it feels like i’m dreaming somehow... his last word haunted me for some reason...

is that what i am? Damaged?

“ok she’ll do it” he let out quickly i guess he was afraid i might back out of it.

i mean how amazing would it be if i have a chance at seeing again...

and for some reason i desperately wanted to see his face... 3bdalla’s face... i wanted to know if what i pictured in my head matches what he looks like in reality.

and if i have a chance then, one day of eye surgery isn’t the worst thing in the world...i mean i guess that’s what’s going to happen...I’m not sure really what happens all i was used to is getting the same bad news over and over again.. 

look at me with my high hopes...i’m just doing this for them. I shouldn’t get my hopes too high!! 

i could hear 9ali7 on the phone...

“ee kalmnaha , ee enshala, tadrii...el7een ehya weya elnurse dasheen bsawoon f7o9at, joury hadday” 

JOURY?! wait wait MY COUSIN JOURY?!!