I honestly appreciate each and everyone who was putting up with my rocky situation, it means a lot and I truly want to to thank you all for the on-going support over the years!
who would’ve known that my made up nonsense *to me* were that thrilling and exciting to others :D you guys just make my day every-time i read your comments!
One more post and it’ll be finally done!!! The last chapter of what was a great beginning! 5 years... yep now that’s what i call crazy ;P but at least you’ll get closure and i’ll no longer feel guilt for keeping y’all waiting...
Enjoy!
Warning: EXTRA LONG POST AHEAD ;P
........................................................................................................
LULU:
AT THE OFFICE:
my heart was racing once more...i promised myself i wouldn’t get so worked up and here i am with my heart skipping a beat...
That's when i heard the words that shook me to my core....words that set off a time bomb in me...words that caused a breakdown right then and there...
all i felt was the sudden warm embrace of Joury and 9ali7...both trying to calm me down...holding me close to their hearts as tears made their way down my cheeks....
i wasn’t able to contain myself anymore....everything in me just got released...
Those words...so simple...yet forever carved in my mind...
TWO HOURS AGO:
As soon as we arrived at the clinic, I was taken to get some tests done, i don’t get the point i already did these tests in kuwait and somewhere else i don’t remember....i don’t get why i have to retake them again...
he has my charts, my file and everything he needs was sent to him, why does he insist on making me retake what other doctors have already covered...it’s just time consuming and honestly a waste of our money!...
i got more and more impatient...being poked at and taken from one room to the other...
It might not matter to anyone, but to me, the worst feeling in the world is when someone pity’s you...when they feel sorry for you and you’re just there...can’t do anything about it...
another hour passed before i met up with Dr. Maison...
“Lulu, i need to be honest with you, the initial test results came out negative, meaning this procedure is not applicable in your case, however, going back to the test results i noticed something quite peculiar..you had two different test results and different out comes in both your first test taken in kuwait right after your accident and the second which you took in Germany a while back..."
GERMANY! that’s the one! Ugh! i remember being COLD...
The dr. continued to explain and i could feel my heart beating faster and louder...i could hear it in his tone, how eager he is to explain what’s happening in my eyes...all i focused on was his words and my rapid heart beats...
“if you notice here *addressing the room* there’s a shift in position...”
“what that small white dash?” joury asked
“exactly...which got me to redo our test...that shift alone indicates that we might have read your charts wrongfully... previous doctors have been seeing it as simply the x-ray reflection of light... on the second test i asked to redo we focused solely on that, well dash, i also had to retest that twice to make sure that the outcome was the same”
“I don’t understand what does that mean?” 9ali7 asked tensed with where this convo was going...
“I’ll tell you exactly what that means...lulu”
I suddenly sat up straight as i waited for it...as if my life now hangs on the words he’s about to say...
I can hear the drumming of my heart...
Breathe...Just Breathe...breathe...Calm down...and breathe.
“are you ready to get back your sight?”
and just like that the words i yearned for, words i prayed for....words i wanted to hear for so long...were said.
i cried...i broke down and i was now in a world of my own...
“are you sure?!” 9ali7 asked concerned with a bit of a temper afraid i’d get my hopes broken again..
“i wouldn’t have said anything if i wasn’t certain, I’ve consulted with 3 of my colleagues and we all agree it’s not only possible but it’s guarantee that her vision should be intact after the surgery”
As they were talking, their words started to get heavier and slower by the second, i felt dizzy and out of breath...I started to hear their words slurp into one another...and with each passing moment it just got slower and harder to read...
“Lu...lu?....Luuuuuu....Luuuuuu?!”
Joury and 9ali7’s grib on me tightened as my legs caved in and couldn’t hold me up any longer...
next thing i knew i was on the cold floor suddenly hearing Joury and 9ali7 call my name in a panic and a manly hand was under my head...i knew it was him...i know that scent and grip anywhere...it was my 3bdalla.
“sh9ar?”
“you fainted!” she said in an upset frightened tone.
next thing i felt was 3bdalla carrying me off the floor and placing me on a small bed before 9ali7 had the chance to...
“you gave us quite a fright there lulu, who knew what would’ve happened had i gotten to the even better news”
“news?” and just then everything came rushing back...
i wasn’t dreaming??...it was real?
it was...wasn’t it?
“what news?” I asked only to be reassured that...that what i heard was real...
“lulu! *crying* btshoofeen lulu!” i could hear her weeping...
my heart was racing...please don’t be a dream... please just don’t be a dream...
and if it was...if this whole thing is just a dream...
don’t wake me up just yet...
let it linger a while longer...
just let it linger, this feeling...
i didn’t speak, i didn’t say a word...i didn’t want to jinx it...i was too afraid that i might wake up if i say something...so i kept quiet, taking in everything fearing i’ll lose it...
so i took in the smell, the sounds around me, joury’s sobbing, 9ali7 and 3abdala so anxious and excited yet oddly concerned.
The cold room i was in...it just felt so warm.
Dr.maison continued to explain how the procedure is going to happen and he kept repeating how any doctor would’ve made that same mistake with me...that he initially diagnosed me the exact same way the others did but something inside him made him retake the tests and he was able to see it...too see what so many doctors couldn’t...he was able to give me HOPE and hopefully my life back...
9ali7 left the room trying to reach mom and dad to fill them in about what just happened..
Joury was texting furiously...i can hear each button she pushed and her squeals every now and then...
“i’m telling the girls!”
i wanted to stop them....i just didn’t want the world to know unless it happened...at least not until i open my eyes...truly open my eyes.
i just couldn’t get the words out of me to stop her...
nothing has happened yet, i’m still blind so why should more people get on to this unstable ride with me? i just don’t want to be humiliated once more...
my biggest fear...it’s not that i remain blind...but rather the darkness accompanied...never living up to anything...being inadequate ...have i paid the price yet?...what if this isn’t real...what if i don’t get back my sight...i just won’t know until it happens for real and i don’t think i’ll ever believe it until... well i actually see once more.
“Lulu”
“hmm?”
“wanna take back what you said yesterday?” he whispered in my ear slyly...
“I already apologized!” i gasped
“no about the other thing” he said vaguely
“what thing?”
is he talking about our future, the one i took away so easily with my words yesterday?...
I can’t lie and say i’m not happy he’s willing to wait for me and the fact that he still wants me after the awful thing i did to him yesterday...
“you know what thing...latg3deen tsaween nafsich matadreen *smirk*”
i couldn’t help but giggle...it’s like he caught me with my hand in the cookie jar and i couldn’t get out of this one...
i tried to dodge this whole conversation but man is he persistent!
“once i get my sight, once it becomes a reality...then and only then 3bdala”
I flinched slightly with my eyes shut tightly....did i jinx it? did i wake up?...
no...no...it’s real...i’m not dreaming...
“a5af na6ra tshoofeen wayhi o t’hawneeeen” he chuckled
i giggled so hard...
“didn’t you say you weren’t bad looking?” i teased
“laaaa i never said anything...laish your picturing me good looking?”
i giggled and turned my head the opposite side avoiding him seeing me turning different shades of red...
this is so embarrassing!
i could hear him chuckle even louder at me!
it’s so not funny to put me in this situation, i just fainted for heaven’s sake...
“bas 3bdalaa” i said shyly i couldn’t say anything else...
“laa laaa mako”
“shno mako?” i asked astonished
“shelly 5alach etgooleen eni good looking?” he continued to tease and i swear i could feel him smirking that jerk....
“i never said good looking” i said all defensively
“mashi bas you said i’m not bad looking, laish?”
“I don’t know!” i said getting even more red, i could feel the heat in my body and face rising oh so quickly...
“yala 3ad lulu, mani hadich lain tgooleenli”
“haw! shagool!”
“jawbai shda3waa ana el3boood o mako a7ad yala 3ad”
“Oh. My. God.”
“don’t Oh. My. God. Me, yala” i giggled at how he mimicked me so well..
“FINE! *exhale* you described yourself to me when we were at that resort in kuwait...”
“aaaannnnd??”
“3bdalaaaaaa *turning red*”
“kamlay!”
“i don’t think you’re bad looking according to what YOU said *head held high*”
“what if i was?”
“i doubt it”
“enzain bas lets say i was...shno elklma...QABEEEEEE7 oh my god! *trying a girly tone*”
i giggled so hard i couldn’t help it....
“enzain shswi rabi 5lqaq chithy...”
“la qa9di etha ma kent ‘good looking’ 5alaaa9 ma baina shay?”
“really? you think i’m that shallow?”
“...I don’t know”
“3bdalaaa!”
he chuckled so hard and took it back...
“asfeeen asfeeen....bas bagoolich el9ij...tara ana 9ij mu 7ilo...”
then he started to describe his facial features in such a dramatic way...i ended up picturing a bear for some reason :S....
oh well he’s my bear so what!...i just hope when i do see him i don’t look unpleased...i have such a readable face and i don’t want to hurt his feelings :S....
oh god i can’t believe i just thought about seeing him....aaaaaahh! i honestly can’t wait...
half an hour passed and i was still lying in the bed 3bdala placed me in...
“...aren’t we done here?”
“we’re just fitting your surgery in...which was the even better news”
“oh...when is it?”
“lulu malich shgl 5aleena en5al9 kalamna...”
great my brother just shut me up...
“it’s after tomorrow around 9 am”
i had so many more questions but i didn’t want to interrupt what was going on... in the end all the questions i wanted to ask 9ali7 was asking for me...like how long is the operation, are there any risks, will i get a 20/20 vision or is it going to be blurry, am i going to experience any pain after the surgery is done...and most importantly how much is this going to cost my parents...i can’t help it it’s just how i am. I just don’t want any one to feel any discomfort...especially when it has something to do with me.
“here’s the thing...your vision’s outcome is based on how the surgery goes, and how your eyes respond to it...it might be perfect vision and it might not, but i must warn you that you probably will be feeling discomfort and have a high level of sensitivity from the light and colors in the first few months...however it shouldn’t bother you after 6 months, if it does i highly recommend you seek a doctors attention just to make sure nothing is wrong...i can give you a contact of a good friend of mine in kuwait, he’s very qualified and trust worthy... this is of the utmost importance lulu you need to have annual check ups for at least the first couple of years, from then on the Doctor you seek in kuwait will determine how many check ups you’ll need and if hopefully you won’t need any...”
i couldn’t wait...
i didn’t want to wait...
get me on that table and do your thing! That’s what i wanted to shout out so badly but...it’s after tomorrow i think i’ll survive...
I hope there aren’t any complications and that my sight comes back as good as it was...
“please be real” i whispered out loud to myself...praying this is all real...
i then felt him hold my right hand in such a comforting way...
Did he hear me? i wondered...
“it will be soon”
He did.
Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any more exciting i heard the sound that just made me smile ear to ear....my girls were all here....
“LUULUUU!! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!” grabbing my hand...
“SHWAYI SHWAI TABEENHA T9EER 9AMKHA BA3AD?!!”
“ENTAI SHTABEEN? Baini o bainha entay shako?!! shno tghareeeeeeen? *smirk*”
“Shako aghaaar bl mawthoo3?!! elbnt yamich o t9ar5eeen chena bainkom jabal!”
i couldn’t help but laugh, typical Jinan and Hind...
“elmhm *ignoring Jinan* mabrooook lulutii!! yala awal matgoomeen blslamaa Jinan 3azmatna 3ala Maki”
we all started to laugh except for Jinan who apparently thought it wasn’t amusing...
“shda3waaa! yalaa 3ad!” I could hear her smack her...i think on her shoulders...
“eeee that’s the Jinan i know” i guess she smiled or something...
UGH! mta eyeeeey elyoom eli agdaar ashoooof shga3d e9eeeer! magdaaaar an6r!
so Joury filled them in on everything and they promised to be here for my surgery.
“laa walla 3adiii, wala mala da3ii”
“shno mala da3i?!!!”
“ee wala shno mala da3ii?!”
“madrii 3anhaa chenhaa matabeenaa *teasing*”
“ahaaaa chithy elsalfaaa haaaa? *continuing to tease me*”
oh crap...when ever they agree on something, which is rare, they turn into this unbeatable scary twosome!
“la la! I take it back, wala i take it back” i replied frightened
Then i heard a roar of laughter...which I couldn’t help but joined in.
This day couldn’t get any better...it was just perfect.
“Lunch?” i asked
“Yalaaa”
“entai tamreeeen”
“ohhhh sh3alaich” I started turning shades of red...great.
“yala yala”
“sbgoonii o ana al7agkom”
“ok”
“3bdala roo7 weyahom, bas athab6 omorii hni o ayeekom”
“7athr”
we all waited for the elevator to reach us...
30 seconds later...
DING!
Soon...it won’t be the ‘Ding’ of the elevator telling me it’s here...it’ll be my eyes....*sigh*
He held me gently and guided me into the elevator and i could feel the same butterflies fluttering in me whenever i feel his touch..
IN THE ELEVATOR...
“UGH! I CAN’T WAIT! *squealing*”
“*giggle* That makes the two of us”
“make it Three” he whispered so low in my ear as i blushed...
“ha shtabooooon! mu kthri ana!”
i kept giggling all day...My besties were all here, the man i love was next to me and i’ll soon get to see, life was turning around...
“i want to reapply to uni...i want to finish and get my degree”
“enshala, one thing at a time”
“enshala!”
“*squeeel with happiness*”
“what’s wrong now?! *sarcasm*”
“i just can’t wait for uni, now that it’s going to be the four of us again...and our e7mmm infamous talks”
i couldn’t help but giggle, typical Jinan.
our talks referring to when we all dish about our day and yep, you guessed it...everyone else.
“oh god”
“don’t you ‘Oh god’ me! you know you liked it the most”
“7addaa”
“*giggle* true Hanood you couldn’t wait for them”
“ee suuuuure take her side, whatever i don’t enjoy them that much, i was just being nice during our talks”
“you’re NEVER just Nice! *teasing*”
and thats when we bursted into laughter, 3bdalaaa had to hold me straight...
just as we were about to leave the building and hail a taxi Joury’s phone started ringing...
“aloo?...Halaa 5alti shlonich?...b5air el7mdelaa...ee kahi yamii,
Lulu omich”
so i talked to my mom, she was happy for me yet nervous, i could tell from the sound of her voice...after our short conversation i handed the phone back to Joury...
.............................................................................................
JOURY:
“hala khalti...9ali7?”
“ee 7abeebti abi aklma, ga3d a7wl at9l 3alaih o mayrid 3alay...3a6eenya”
“wala 5alti ohwa mu yami, weya eldctor”
“laaa”
i could feel this was important...
“La7tha la7tha”
i covered the phone with my hand...
“5alti tabi tkalm 9ali7, entaw sbgooonii o ana ayeey weyah enshala”
“3a6eeha raqam 9ali7”
“she has it bas mu rathi yashbk”
“wee 5ala9 ok”
“tabeena we wait?”
“laaa lulu go it’s fine bas tabi tkalma shway”
so i put the phone back to my ear...as i was running back up to the elevator...
“aloo khalti? *out of breath*”
“hala yuma, shfeech mat3abreen ttnafsain?!”
“laa laa mafeeni shay bas radait 7aq 9ali7 rakth”
“yaa ba3ad 3umri wala” o g3dat tad3eeelii lain ma w9alt 3ind maktab eldctor...
“ajma3eeen...enshala...” I replied as i kept looking around for him...
haw waina??....
“Joury?”
For some reason i was smiling so widely when my eyes fell on him and he mirrored that back to me...
“shfeech*chuckle* laish mar7tay weyahom? *creasing eyebrows*”
“5alti tabee tkalmk *out of breath, handing phone over*”
he took the phone and started to talk to his mom...i sat on a bench as i saw him walk to the window continuing his conversation with his mom.
I couldn’t help but stare at him, there was something different about him...I can’t explain it but...*sigh* I can always count on him...for anything.
I traced his back with my eyes, how loosely his shirt clung on him...how his shoulders reflected strength to me. he was just that, my strength...
a stupid smile made it’s way in my face...
5 minutes later
he handed me my phone and as he was placing it in my hand, it rang....
guess who the caller is?...
Saif Calling...
i could see his grip tighten on my phone, i looked up and his jaw was clenched, his eyes starring hard on the screen...
i just don’t get it anymore, he shouldn’t be upset, SAIF PROPOSED, he’s not playing around...neither am I.
“9ali7?”
i could tell he was in his own world, as soon as i called out his name he let go of the phone...
“asf”
that’s all he said and went back to the window to give me my privacy....
i picked up, starring at the back of 9ali7’s head...
“alo?”
“hala 7abeebti, 3asa mu dag ib wakt ghala6”
“laa shda3wa” 9ali7 turned to look at me...
i knew he wasn’t thrilled about me and Saif...
“telephonich kan busy gabl shway”
“ee”
i know i should pay attention and be more talkative with my fiancé but i couldn’t help it, my mind was busy analyzing what just happened with 9ali7...why did he act that way?
“mno kentai tkalmeen?”
“hmm?” honestly had i told Saif to call another time, it’d be much better...
“laish Masma3teenii? *annoyed*”
“shfeek em3a9b?” what did he say, i honestly don’t remember!!!...
“Mno kentai ga3d etkalmeen??!!! *pissed off tone*”
“haw ma7ad!”
“al3ab weyach ana?! MOBILICH KAN BUSY! MNO ELKENTAY GA3D TKALMEEEN?!”
“SAIF! lat9arkh 3alay!”
i could hear his breathing on the other side i could tell he was pissed as hell!
“Joury in majawabteeniii wala ma tlomeen ela nafsich!”
“where the hell is this coming from?!...”
“JAWBEENI”
“...9ali7 kan”
i didn’t have the chance to finish what i was saying when all hell broke loose...
“HAL 7AYWAN MAYST7II? MAYADRI ENCH MA56OOBA MATHLAN!”
“Saif!” i gasped
9ali7 was at the end of the room trying to read my face and it showed, boy did it show how shocked and pissed off i was...
I love 9ali7 he’s the closest person to me right after lulu and i couldn’t help but feel protective of him at that moment...
i couldn’t contain myself, he was family after all...
“I7trm nafsik! hatha wld 5alty o maratha 3alaih *looking at 9ali7 at the far end of the room*”
“7lw 7looow *sarcastic*”
“laish itkalmnii chithy?! *near to tears*”
“madri s2lay nafsich *cold tone*”
“wala maswait shay! *shocked*”
“la walaa?!”
OMG. mn 9ija?! doesn’t he trust me at all?!
“saif”
“.....”
“ma tatheq feeni?”
“....*sigh* madri”
he doesn’t trust me?!
“shlon ya3ni matadrii?! *pissed off*”
“ya3ni madri!! esloobich o 7arakatich mtghayra, shtabeenii afakr ya3ni?! o fouq hatha etsaween nafsich ena ma sawaitay shay o a5er shay ga3d etkalmeen 7abeeb elroo7 o 7awaltay et5sheen hal shay mni...balah entai goleeli shno ma3nata!?!”
“3aib 3alaik!”
“ana wala entai!” he spat back
i started to cry at that moment, i just lost it...
“dmoo3 eltamasee7 matamshi ma3ay!” and with that he hung up...
next thing i knew...he was by my side...
“sh9ar?”
“...w...wala shay” i barely replied trying to calm myself down...
I won’t discuss this...not with 9ali7 at least...
“Joury *concerned*”
“let’s just go...”
he nodded not wanting to upset me even more...
we took a detour through Hyde Park in order for me to get myself back in check before anyone notices...we walked around for almost half an hour in silence before we started talking...It felt...unusual...in a good way, Like i could stay in this trance with him forever, enjoying the view of the park...
for some reason, i don’t know what honestly...i ended up venting and telling 9ali7 what happened...
“I mean if you were in his shoes, would you have yelled and done what he did?!! *upset and defensive*”
His eyes yearned for something that moment but i immediately looked away avoiding them...
It felt awkward and for some reason it frightened me...then i heard his words...
“...I’d first hear you out, then i’d yell *smirk*”
i couldn’t help but smile...i love how he can turn any situation around..
i kept walking, with the smile he just put back into my face...
5 mnts of silence later...
“Joury...”
I stopped mid track and looked back at him...
“are you happy with Saif?”
he looked straight into my eyes, intensely i might add...
Just as i was about to reply...i couldn’t...
i couldn’t help but really question...
am i happy with Saif?
I was too afraid to answer that question...and here he is asking me something i didn’t want to know the answer of...at least not yet.
Saif keeps me company, i’m not so alone when i’m with him and he cares for me what more does a person want or need?
I guess i am happy, i mean i should be or at least i will be when we get married...I mean I love Saif, he’s been with me through it all...i..i do love him...I love saif...i love him...i do...right?
“joury that’s a long time to answer a simple question *concerned*”
he voice was comforting...his words were not.
he was now a few inches away from me, his hand cupped my face and forced me to look up at him...for the first time i felt shivers by his touch...
“are you happy? *serious tone*”
he asked once more and i don’t know why i panicked...i started to slightly quiver and my breathing was getting shorter and shorter...
“I.. *looking away*”
“hey *lifting my head towards him* if your not happy, you don’t have to m”
I backed away as his hand fell off my face...
“I am happy! let’s just go, they’re waiting for us” I lied..
I lied?...is it a lie?...it sure as hell feels like one.
why did i think it was a lie if it is the truth?...god! what is going on?
I unconsciously traced the part of my face he touched with the back of my hand, analyzing why i felt what i felt by his touch...
I turned around taking a few steps away from him, before i knew it, he grabbed my wrist and tugged on me to face him...i felt a shiver make it's way up my arm...
“t7beena?”
i looked at him, my eyes were terrified of that question and i was too afraid to answer it, i didn’t even want it to show...
I do love saif I do, but it just isn’t the same as it used to be, it’s complicated...i mean am i in-love with saif?...after our time apart EVERYTHING in my life was questioned and i was un-sure of everything...it’s like the time we were apart was the time i got to know myself without Saif...and I don’t know what i’m feeling...not anymore...I was fine without Saif..
I was too taken back with my thought...I was fine without him...why would i say such a thing?!
but do i love him? i mean of course I DO! don’t i?
Do i really Love Saif?
after what he just pulled i’m not in such a loving mood at the moment but over all i mean of course i Love him...i do...i..i have to...don’t i?
how am i suppose to answer a question i don’t know the answer to...
I don’t know...and just like that i could feel my heart breaking...
I don’t know if i love the man i’m marrying...
“bas gooleeli et7beena o ena ys3dich” he begged...
and that’s when i saw it, everything...
his eyes, he was in pain, he was hurt and i could tell...
his eyes started turning pinkish red, it’s as if he couldn’t contain them from filling up with tears as hard and as much as he tried he just couldn’t...
something in me just broke right then and there...i’ve never seen him this way, NEVER.
“9a..9ali7..sh..shshfeek?” i asked carefully as if my words would hurt him, i wanted to hold him, to take away all the pain...I placed my hand atop of his hand that held me...
“t7beena?...t7been Saif?” he asked once more...his hand still holding on me firmly...while I dropped the hand that i just placed on his...why is he asking me all of this?! why now???!
“laish elsu2al?” i asked fearfully...
I need to hear it...
I need to hear it from you...
I needed to hear it out loud...that it’s not just in my head...it’s not my imagination...
That this whole time, everything i was feeling, that little voice inside of me telling me what I doubted was real...
I need to hear it 9ali7...Say it!
“jawbeeni tkfaaain bas Jawbai! t7beena?”
“ent jawbni laish ga3d ts2lni hal su2al?!!” i spat back...
i couldn’t...I couldn’t answer him...and that scared me
i started to panic...this isn’t happening...it can’t!
why can’t i answer a simple question as that?!!!
he grabbed my shoulders frustrated and pulled me towards him as he yelled...
“LAISH MATJAWBEEN?!!”
“L2NI A7BK!”
i froze...everything around me stopped...Time stood still.
WHAT. DID. I. JUST. SAY?!!!!
he let go of my shoulders shocked...
he was starring at me...my face...
I was too bewildered with what i just said...
I started to tremble and i saw him frozen in front of me...shocked with the bombshell i just dropped...
what did i just do?
WHAT DID I JUST DO?!!! I don’t understand!
I’M GETTING MARRIED AND NOW I GO AHEAD AND DO THIS?
It was getting harder and harder to breath and i knew what was happening...
i was having a panic attack...
i couldn’t look him in the eyes...why did i just say that?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
The moment felt like it lasted forever...him frozen and I was too startled with what just slipped out of my mouth...
Since when do i...do i.....?!!!!
i didn’t even want to think it, i didn’t want to say the word out loud again...it can’t be real...it just can’t!!!!!!
“sh..shno gltai?” he asked carefully...
I couldn’t breathe anymore...
I need to go...i need to go now...
I have to leave...I just need to leave!
Move...
Run...
JOURY MOVE! RUN AWAY!
I couldn’t even budge an inch...my body was shutting down, ignoring my wishes and i couldn’t understand...why...or what’s happening anymore...
WHAT DID I JUST SAY TO HIM?!!?!...
how did i even utter those words?!!!!! HOW?!
As soon as he took a step towards me...
I started saying things in a panic...
“shfeek?!!..It...It came out wrong, i didn’t say it... ma gelt shay! ana magelt shay!!”
“Joury 3eeday eli gelti” he asked me carefully doubting he heard me right...
i can’t have this now...
I’m marrying someone...
and with that sentence i froze once more....
I turned Saif into a ‘Someone’...
you don’t call the man you’re about to marry a ‘someone’, a man you’ll spend the rest of your life with, a man you’ll have a family with...he should never be referred to as a ‘someone’...but what scared me the most...is the fact that i saw 9ali7 in each and every one of those thoughts that passed by me just now...
he took another step towards me... and my body finally responded by stepping back away from him...
“I didn’t say anything, stop looking at me like that...ana ma gelt shay!”
“Joury t7beeni?”
“ent shga3d tgool?!! GETLK MA GELT SHAY! *defensive*”
“Joury sma3tich! geltai enich t7beeni!!” he yelled in desperation..
i couldn’t speak, i couldn’t breath...
and it’s as if my body got the jump start it needed and i ran...
“JOURY!”
i didn’t look back i kept running...he kept calling out my name...
what is wrong with me?!!!!!...I just want to curl up and DIE!
Nothing was making sense to me anymore, i just embarrassed myself in front of him! all i could do was run...as fast as I could without any idea where i was heading i just needed to escape...
I was too afraid to look back...I was too afraid he was behind me...I could hear his calls getting fainter and fainter until it stopped...
however I didn’t stop...i kept running until i couldn’t anymore...and when i finally stopped in a narrow alley between some old buildings...out of breath with excruciating pain in the side of stomach right near my rib cage...i broke down and started crying hysterically...
how am i going to fix this now...i can never look him in the eyes again...
Why did i have to find out like that?...that i...love him...i can’t it’s a mistake...i don’t...i mean...ugh! this is so complicated...
what’s he going to say now?...what’s he going to think?...
I need lulu, i need my best friend right now...there’s no way i’m going to get her alone...not when she’s...blind...she won’t be able to meet me without either 3bdala or...Him.
UGH! why couldn’t this have happened after she was cured and capable...
I said it...i said it to him...i said those words...
oh god..oh god...*trying to breathe and crying all over again*
I just made a mess of things...
................................................................................
9ali7 called up 3bdala, he excused himself and joury from lunch and explained that they were filling out some necessary paperwork for lulu which will take a while and asked that he takes care of lulu and returns her home safely which 3bdala promised he will...
he didn’t want to tell them anything about what just happened and the fact that he lost joury somewhere in london... but he was determined to find her..
one fact was for sure, He wasn’t going to let this go...not until he gets to the bottom of it and get his answer once and for all...
‘She said those words and she meant them...’ he kept reassuring himself...
just as those words started to sink in a soft smile started to appear on his face...
“L2NI A7BK” it rang in his head over and over again...
‘The fact that she didn’t answer those questions, and couldn’t give a straight answer was because of me, she knew it...she knew she wasn’t in love with Saif...she must have...’
‘There’s no way in hell i’m going to let her get married now...Not when i know she loves me...’
‘ohooo 3ad wain algaha el7eeen, ya3ni ya 7amar ya ghabi ya shagool laish markatht waraha?!! laish tana7t o 5alait’ha troo7 mn eedii!’
he walked in the direction he saw her run last...
an hour passed and he kept on searching...
she has to come home sometime, she has to...
‘laykon a9lan radat el bait’ he thought
He didn’t see the harm in checking if she went back home, it made sense, no?
...................................................................................
Jinan:
We were enjoying what’s left of our lunch date, unfortunately Joury and 9ali7 couldn’t make it...
“tadroooon shno mshtahya?!!!”
“oh boy...here it comes”
“DESERT!”
“ee mashala because i’m so fit and healthy and not in the least bit over weight *sarcastic*”
“ana shako feech el7eeen? entai eli btakleeen wala anaaa?”
“6a3 matst7i hal bnt!”
i could hear the other two laughing...
3bdala looking at her and her tiny giggles escaping her mouth, while she covered her mouth trying to hold them back...
honestly i think they’re into each other but i’m the group bimbo so what do i really now...
so we ordered desert as per my request...*smiling victoriously* that’s when i got a new msg...that se quickly turned that smile to fear...fear of the content and who sent it...
no surprise here...it was him again...
The stalker...
I can’t believe he’s still at it...such a FREAK!
i tugged on Hanoods arms trying to avoid 3bdala’s eyes...
“HAA?! *muffled tone*” as she stuffed food in her mouth
I poked my eyes out, i was trying to keep it on the down low but thanks to her the entire block heard us....
“way3aa! 5al9ay eli b7aljich!”
I tried to tell her about my phone with my eyes...i kept looking back and forth between her and my phone....
HONESTLY ANY 5 YEAR OLD WOULD REALIZE IT...
“what the hell is wrong with you?!”
REALLY? REAAAAALLLY HANOOOD?
“MA FEENI SHAY ZAIN!...”
“Hind, 9arlaha sa3a tabeech tshoofeen mobilhaaa”
I literally have no words...NO WORDS!
not only did he get it all the way across the table...but I SUCK! i mean seriously i couldn’t even get passed 3bdala?!
“OHHHHHH *realizing it has to do with stalker creep*”
*laughing in misery* shoot me, shoot me now...
she grabbed my phone so cooly in front of everyone...and started reading...
her eyeballs were nearly going to come out of their sockets...
just as she was about to scream something out, which i knew too well she was going to, i hastily covered her mouth with my hand...
“mhmmhm...hm mhamhm! mhmhm! HMM!”
“are you done?”
“hm2! hammm! hmam! HMMMM!!”
“now?”
she nodded... and i removed my hand as she composed herself...
3bdala was looking at us in such a way, as if he was questioning why he was with us in the first place..
i couldn’t help but laugh and feel sorry for him....
lulu was so confused she couldn’t understand why Hind’s voice sounded so muffled but 3bdala explained to her that i apparently shoved my hand in her mouth out of the blue and without warning...
i took my phone and re-read what psycho wrote me...
From stalker creep:
I can stare at you all day, i can follow you and never get bored, i’ll always be that shadow that lingers around and i promise you this Janoonti, I’ll never part you, not for a second. it’s time you accept me in your life and whether you respond or not, know that I love you and i always will. your place is with me and me alone. 7abeebich elawal wl a5eer.
it’s F.R.E.A.K.Y.....FREAKY!
it’s not romantic or nice it’s just weird, pathetic and stalkerish!
I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!!...oh did i mention that...I. HATE. HIM.!
Compose msg:
To stalker creep:
LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE YOU PATHETIC PSYCHO!
as i was about to send it...i had second doubts and showed it to hanood who responded with a terrified look and kept shaking her head not to...
“you don’t know what his reaction might be, broo7a mu 9a7i! *she whispered*”
she’s right, he’s unstable and crazy, this could tip him overboard and god knows what he’ll do!
but you know me and my clumsiness....
“*gaaaassspp!!*”
“you didn’t!”
i turned to her with my pleading eyes to fix this...
“what if he kills me? or hurts someone i know?!!!, he knows EVERYTHING ABOUT ME! *whispering trying to avoid 3bdala and lulu who were engrossed in there own little conversation*”
“he won’t...enshala he won’t!”
next thing i notice is getting a msg...my heart beat racing...god please be sane...just be NORMAL! why can’t he be normal and leave me the hell alone?!
Recieved msg
From 6alal
don’t forget tonight at 8:30 ;)
P.S you need to wear a dress for tonight, you won’t get in otherwise...and i’m not telling you what to do, the place we’re going to has a dress code, i’m going to have to wear a TIE so be thankful your not in my shoes...;P
DRESS?!!!!! TIE????!
DINNER WITH AN OLD FRIEND HE SAYS!!!
IT’S A DATE! IT’S A FREAKIN’ DATE! YSTA3B6 3ALA MNO?!!!!!
To 6alal
I haven’t forgotten but seriously a dress code?..
why are we even going there? let’s just go to a low key place...
I was planning on wearing sweats and you’re ruining it for me.
YES I WAS..I was going to wear sweats and a baggie T-shirt because i wanted to make my point clear!
That I’M NOT INTERESTED...
OKAAAAAY FIIINE!
i wasn’t really going to wear sweats out...i’d die before doing so but i just wanted to show him how much i wasn’t into this whole thing....
From 6alal
sweats? really? this coming from the girl who wanted to wear heels during gym class?....interesting, you have changed! well then i’m glad we’re going to my restaurant and i’m happy to avoid seeing you in sweats...btw i’m smiling really widely right now picturing your frustrated expressions.
yep there it is! THE BULLY!...
just as i was trying really hard to hide my smile i couldn’t...
ugh! HOW DOES HE DO THAT?!...
i then got another msg and i was eager to see it! with my stupid grin and curiosity getting the best of me...
that’s when i realized it wasn’t from 6alal...it was from him...the stalker...
From Stalker Creep:
Janoonti you should really value the words you use, because you don’t seem to know what it really means to be a psychopath, now you don’t see me getting upset with you, for having lunch with a guy and your friends, that’s because i know there’s nothing more to it and you know better than to push my buttons, don’t you? but don’t worry i’ll show you the true meaning of a pathetic psycho...and i’ll show it soon.
all of a sudden, I felt my throat dry up and i just needed to drink something, my drink was empty so i snatched the first one i laid my eyes on...which unfortunately was in Hanood’s hands..
“HA! shtabeeen?!”
i didn’t talk and just handed her the phone while i engulfed all of her sprite trying to soothe my nerves...
She turned to look at me with those famous concerned eyes of hers...
“Do you know what this means?!”
“It means i’m dead meat! god, he’s going to kill me!...ambai!!! he’s going to do it tonight!”
“what? *confused* why tonight? and no that’s not”
I cut her off...i couldn’t think i was far too busy panicking!
“because of what might look like a DATE WITH JASOOM!”
“oh shit”
“yeah oh shit! oh shit indeed!”
“but that’s not where i was going, he’s here!”
“WHERE?!! *looking around like crazy*”
next thing i knew i got smacked in the back of my head...
“Not in public!” i hissed at her....
sure we’ll beat each other up but i mean really in broad day light? with eyes all around us....i don’t think so.
“Yal habla! he sees us! shdara ena e7na weya 3bdala o lulu?!”
It took a while for it to sink and i blame the smack on my head really, her hand’s like a freakin’ brick!..
she read my face and knew that i got it...
so we slowly looked around to find any familiar face....
HEY I KNOW THAT FACE...I KNOW IT....UGH! WHERE HAVE I SEEN HIS FACE BEFORE!?!
“hanoood! hatha!”
“mno?!”
“hathaa eli 3ala ymeeenii!!!!”
“el3a9gal hatha? *disappointed*...chena bray6ani?”
“eee! shayfta mn gabl!!!.....*realizing who* EEE!! hatha mal starbucks!! he asked me out mara o I refused! akeed ohwa!”
“mama shako bray6ani e7acheech kuwaiti!?!!”
“oh...” Blonde moment....*silence*
“Keep looking!”
“what if he already left?!”
“matwaqa3 he’s obsessed with you why would he?”
“ymkn shafna ndawr o n7ash”
“*thinking* let’s piss him off shwaya nshoof etha yrd 3alaina or not”
“shlon?”
“go talk to starbucks guy!”
“ambai fashla!”
“GO!”
honestly kheft mnha!! just as i was about to get off my seat, 3bdala and lulu got up....
“e7na bnamshii”
“LAAAISH?!!” typical hanood and she calls me loud!
“umm...mu nayma 3adl ams o 7addi daykha”
“oh...ok *sad tone*”
“la la bas enshala ntyama3 mara thanya shfeekom!”
“enshala!”
“ana ba6lb elcheck”
“LA2!”
3bdala was taken back by her reply
“nabi en7ali mara thanya fa 5alha 3alaina”
what is wrong with her?!! DESERT AGAIN?!! AND AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!!
“Hanoood”
“entai osshhsshhs!”
“haw?!!!!”
she gave me her scary eyes and as the coward i truly was i shushed..
“la bas may9eer, enzain enshala hatha ekafi elakl”
he laid down 250 pounds...
“Ola 3bdalaa wayed shno hatha! a9lan mu makleen shay 3ashan yo9al hal mablagh”
“shdarani cham by6la3”
“cham 7a6ait *giggle*”
“metain o khamseen” she giggled her famous giggle...
“agoolk 5alha 3alaina hal marra m7tafleeen ib lulu...elmara elyaya 3alaikom”
with some reluctancy and hesitation he finally agreed!
“bas akeeeed!”
“enshala!”
They’re so cute! chenhom mtzawjeeeeen...up together, off together, chatting together...i think a little somethin’ somethin’ is happening between those two...but then again it’s me... and i’m always wrong ;/
Then there were TWO.
“explain?! DESERT AGAIN?!!! REALLY?!”
“what is wrong with you today?!! KEEP UP!....if we leave now we’ll never catch him! dam hathi fur9atna 5an nl3abha 9a7! now YOU! *pointing straight at me* off you go to him”
Honestly i’m having an off day today!! what the hell is wrong with me?!
I got up and walked towards him, my shaking hand holding onto my phone...
as i was a few steps away, starring at this poor fella i just got involved in my never ending drama my phone vibrated...
I looked at the msg...
BINGO it’s him!
stalker creep:
Wain ray7a?!!!!! o laish ga3d t5zeeen hal 7ywan?!
i thought about turning around and going back to hanood since i know for a fact that he was around but...
i didn’t want to give him the satisfaction that i might be listening and obeying his every command....
He mentioned me starring...which means he can see my face...so he’s not behind me.
and he has a clear view of who i’m starring at...
so i slowly looked around...without looking back.
Come on any familiar face!!!!!
after a few moments i gave up...I looked back at the Starbucks guy who seemed to be acknowledging me with a smile and so i smiled back and we said our hellos as he introduced me to his group of friends...
“it’s nice to meet you all, i better get going. good bumping into you”
I avoided mentioning his name because honestly i don’t remember his name :S...
From stalker creep:
Ba3aaad etsalmeen o tsoolfeen weya hal ghareeeb, laish ahalich maraboch?
i made my way to the bathroom and went back to Hanood waiting impatiently...
“so?”
“he’s here”
“okay...let’s find him”
easier said than done...
as i gave up looking around and in the restaurant, i looked at the pathway, and the streets...my eyes fell on to him texting...it cant be him!!...can it??
“Oh. My. God”
“shno?! mno shftay?!!”
“*heavy breathing*......Jassim!”
“*gasp!* wain?!”
she looked up to see him and that when he saw us and a huge smile was painted across his face. I on the other hands started to feel the rage in me rise with every step he took...He walked towards us...
“oh sh’hal 9dfa el7lwa”
ay 7lwaaa?!!!
he’s my stalker...
it has to be him, it makes perfect sense!!!..seriously 6 months of keeping tabs on me and knowing my whereabouts is not FUNNY! IT’S SICK!....OH.MY.GOD and he wants me alone tonight!! he is a psychopath!
He’s been that way since forever and now he’s just out of control! it’s like i don’t even know this person in front of me!
Hind kept replying as I tried to contain the rush of emotions from surfacing...he is just that! A STRANGER...
oh god he’s going to kill me... oh! he’s going to slit my throat! cut my tongue out? maybe cut me into tiny pieces? he would wouldn’t he? what the hell is he planning on?!!!
YOU KNOW WHAT?!!!!!
HELL IF I’M GOING! I’M STANDING HIM UP AND THAT’S IT!!!
Hind started talking more calmly and rationally as if this is the Jassim we’ve known all our lives but i couldn’t for the sake of me smile...he kept glancing my way with eyes trying to read me...
STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! that’s what i want to scream at him...
this time it’s far too serious for it to be a prank, and i know it’s not a prank!!
“jinan shfeeech?! laish chithy 6al3eenii?”
WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?!!
GAME OVER, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! AND THIS TIME I HAVE THE BETTER HAND!
i shook my head, his eyes scared me for a while, it’s as if he was analyzing every little thing about me and my sudden behavior! typical stalker-ish behavior if you ask me!
I GOT YOU, YOU SICK SICK SICK FREAK!
he left us as he kept looking back at me with a confused innocent look...
“it’s definitely not him”
i cut her off and said with out a doubt...
“IT’S HIM! I KNOW IT HANOOD! AND I WILL NOT MEET UP WITH HIM!”
“mu ma3qoola ohwa! we’ve known him all our lives he’s a good guy!”
“that’s why serial killers are so hard to track they could be anyone! even your best friend, hell you could be a serial killer and i wouldn’t even know it!” i eyed her suspiciously...
“serial killer? me? SERIOUSLY?!!!*UNPLEASED*”
“i don’t know*suspicious* you tell me! *confrontation*”
“la la rasmi yanaitay! el7eeen shako serial killer o ya kalba laish e6al3eeeni chithy?!!!”
“I DON’T KNOW! NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE ANYMORE!”
Yep...i’ve lost it...i’ve officially gone bonkers...
