Blind Love Finale Part1

I seriously LOVE all my readers!!!

for those who worried i'm fine, el7mdela <3>

went through some pretty rough years...but who can complain when they have honestly the best readers ever?! you guys seriously brighten up my day...

This one goes out to :
-N_Q 
-D
- Reader from Dubai


so mubarak 3alaikom elshahar, i'm sorry for keeping y'all waiting <3>

it's going to be in 3 parts enshala since they're VERY LONG.


REMINDER: this is FICTION, all made up for those who asked...

P.S read previous post to catch up (by now i think u were able to read the whole darn story twice ;P *my way of lightening up the air* )

..................................

HIND:

“alo? *shaky voice*”

“3ash mn sma3 9otich”

“*blushing* 3ashat ayamk” i looked up to see Jinan giving me a questioning look...

“*clearing throat* lo sama7t *quivering voice*”

“off lo sama7t mara wa7da?”

i couldn’t help but smile...

“mumkn agool shay blawal?”

i didn’t know what to say...ya3ni shno agoola La2 mu mmkn chub o esma3ni?...

yeah that could work but right now i’m appealing to his better nature...

i need to be nice in order for him to be nice in return and ultimately  get me off the hook of...well the shanks of matrimony...i put him on speaker as Jinan listened in on our phone call..

“tfathal..”

“dam fathlich” 

“is he trying to be charming??” i whispered softly to jay as she responded with a shrug... 

“it takes more than just ass kissing to make me like him...” i whispered

jay gave me a look with a raised eye brow

“what?! i’m tough, ya3ni ag9 3ala mno?!”

he blabbered about how i upset him a bit these past few days believing it was my nerves and the trip to London that was getting to me...

GOD! DUDE IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU! I WANT ONE TICKET OUT OF NUT VILLE..

this thing is taking it’s toll on me...

I’ve gained weight, i’m so stressed my face is now the before picture of an acne patient...if it wasn’t for make up i’d probably break and take down every mirror i see...my hair is falling and my mood is crappier than ever before...and it’s his fault!

He sorta made me feel bad and admits he was a bit jealous that i had lunch with 6alal and Jassim....

I of course had to explain that Jassim was an old friend from high school and we were just catching up...and like the man he was, he believed that it was irrelevant and that it was “wrong”... a clear sign that we won’t work.

“Blos..*my eyes opened widely as i realized i was about to call him by his CODE NAME BLOSSOM!* Marzouq...lazm a7acheek eb mawthoo3”

“3asa ma shar? 9ayer feekom shay?”

“la la...*clearing throat* mawtho3 e59na ana weyak...”

i could hear his breathing on the other side..waiting for me to continue.. i looked up at jay, took a deep breath and let it rip like bandaid..

“marzouq e7na man3arf ba3ath o 9ara7a ana magoolk hal kalam ela l2ni ma‘66ara...ya3ni..wln3m feek wala bas..ehh”

jinan was pushing to continue....

“ shoof bakon 9aree7a weyak l2na hal qarar akbar qarar ensawi ib 7ayatna...o ana mu..”

“mu mrta7a?” he asked carefully

“aaa..la2..ya3nii.. aaa shno?” 

“*chuckle* mu mrta7a?”

“la mu ena mu mrata7a...ana ya3ni...madri shagool walla ... ya3ni ana ma3rfk o ent mat3rfnii o tawna 9ghair”

“la7tha la7tha...ya3ni elmshkla ehni enich mat3rfeeni?”

i looked at jinan with a “IS HE STUPID OR WHAT?” face...hmm let’s see.... EEEEEE!!!! 

“ee o ham tara we’re young”

“galabtay englaizy mara wa7da *chuckle*”

“ee shfee elenglaizy *defensive* tara most of the time i talk in english”

“ahaaa...”

“shift! 7ata hal shay makent et3arfa”

“Hind...awal shay you know me better than you think you do..shraych blenglaizy? *smirky tone*”

“shga9dk? shlon i know you?....I don’t know you!”

“la you do...”

“marzouq walla ma3rfk o wala gad shftik...a9lan madri shlon shaklik! lo tmr jdami el7een wela yomkn a3rf”

“shraych etha getlich et3arfeeni o a3rfich?”

i looked up at jinan with a shocked look...what the hell is going on..how is this convo turning into this..I’m suppose to END it tonight...

“o thani shay etha elmshkla ena wayed msta3yleen fa ngdar en2jl...”

I mouthed OH MY GOD to jay.... IT’S NOT ABOUT POSTPONING IT! I DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED...PERIOD!!!!

“sm3eenii o etha kalami mu mn6qi enflhaa..mashi?”

i nodded thinking he sees me...

“mwafqa?”

“mm” i agreed

“get to know me and give a month...ba3dha we can make that decision...”

“i just..”

“shily 5asrana? etha ma rt7tay falainaha...o etha shiftay eli ana ashoofa 3ayal mn n9eebna bthn alla”

“marzouq...ahali maydroon eni”

“ench kalamtni ib hal mawthoo3?”

“...ee...”

“wala ra7 yo9alhom” i smiled...

“Hind?”

“hmm?”

“5alich dayman 9aree7a weyay...mu a7san mn elaf wdawaran? *chuckle*”

i giggled and looked up at jinan who had a smirk and her hands signaling a heart shape... i smacked her straight away...

“3adi as2l shlon bt5aleehom eea2jlon elmlcha?”

“entai malch shghl ana at9araf...bas ha!”

“shno?!”

“give me a chance...mu mn el7een tta5thain elgarar..”

i smiled with a slight giggle

“deal?”

“deal”

i closed the phone with a weird feeling....i actually felt happy...like really happy...

I jumped off my seat.. hugged the life out of jinan and walked to get me a beverage for this joyous occasion...

no more lies, missions and deceptions...just plain honesty...

and in a month’s time all will be revealed...

which i’m pretty sure i won’t hear any wedding bells...i know i’m not suppose to make my decision from now but obviously i’m not getting married any time soon....i’ve always known that...I’m going to live my life according to my rules...marriage Free!

.................................................................................

LULU’S  TEST RESULTS DAY...

JOURY:

we got up and got dressed...for the first in a long time i had to button up lulu’s shirt...she was that stressed..i tied her converse sneakers and pulled her hair back into a pony..grabbed a leather jacket and handed over to her as she wore it over her shirt...

it was one of those cold, grey weathers... 

I just hope we get to hear something nice that might lift us up instead of this gloomy weather..

I wore an oversized cardigan, skinny jeans and my Isabel Marant sneakers...grabbed a scarf and headed out the door to find them waiting...

9ali7 looked calm a bit...his eyes shifting back and forth between me and lulu...

3bdala was fidgeting...i’ve never seen him so...nervous...

At  Dr. Maison’s office:

we exchanged pleasantries and got right to the point... 

The dr. didn’t look so thrilled and i was waiting to hear to the plunging words that might break her...

my hands holding hers and her grasp tighter than ever...

“Lulu..how are you feeling today?” he asked carefully

she looked so frightened...3bdala grabbed her hand to comfort her...

and for that split second her trembling hands stopped shaking...until 9ali7 cleared his throat all defensive towards 3bdala’s unethical gesture...

sure he allows him to assist her while walking or whilst guiding her through something since it was necessary however this isn’t...

9ali7 took over and held her hand instead, eye bawling 3bdala for a moment... 3bdala placed his hand on his chest as a sign of apology... 

i looked back at the dr...

i could tell he was anxious...

..........................................................................................

LULU:

I waited...i could hear them breathing around me yet i waited...

i waited to hear his words...the words i was certain he would say..

the words 3bdala made me belief i would hear...

i waited...i waited ...and i waited...

I’ve been blind...i’m ready to see again...

i waited to hear him say those words to me...

i waited to hear him say...name the date and time of the operation...the time that was convenient...

my heart raced rapidly as i waited...

I firmly held on to the hands of my loved ones, god this wait felt like an eternity...

Please just say those words so i can breathe! so the weight of the world is no longer mine to bear! so that...my future shines brighter and is shared with the man i love...

“Lulu..how are you feeling today?” he asked carefully

I was so nervous i couldn’t make a sound and just nodded...his tone didn’t sound so good, as if he had bad news...oh god please...

“I’m afraid i have some bad news...” and just like that i felt the weight of the world and more on my chest...as if all the air just got sucked out of my lungs...

i could only hear bits and pieces... “it’s not safe, very risky...it’s better not to operate...” 

i couldn’t concentrate, all i focused on was to hold in my tears, hold everything in...to not cry in front of them...all i wanted now was to just leave...i focused on the sound of my breathing which kept getting louder and louder...like i was suffocated...

I muted everything around, i just turned off any sort of sound, i know he’s still talking but all i heard was what i wanted to hear... silence... and for that moment i was alone in the darkness...just like that day...that stupid, stupid day...how i’d give anything to take that one day back...

i shot up of my seat...i could feel the whole room silencing...

“ *clearing throat holding back the urge to cry* thank you...9ali7 abi amshi”

“wait lulu i’m not finished... there’s something else, i need you to do just a few more tests before you leave” 

“more tests for what? to confirm that i’ll always be this way?! no thank you...I don’t feel up to it...I’d like to leave now” 

“lulu sm3ay kalama”

i got so angry when i heard his voice...it triggered something inside of me...something that just got the better of me...i just went mad and aggressive on him...as if his voice...the voice that comforted me...gave me hope and lifted my spirits...that voice was now my source of anger...my reminder of what could’ve been...

“You promised!” i snapped back at him and then i felt the tears fall down my cheek... he was silent for a second...he knew exactly what i meant when i said those words...

“lulu *regretful tone*”

“leave me alone...please just go”

“lulu shfeech?!” 9ali7 protested

“I just want to leave! what’s so hard about that?! just leave me alone! all of u!”

“hatha eli tabeena?” i could hear sadness and pain in his tone...

i nodded...as tears came down and washed what i dreamt for us...our future...our life.

he made me a believer...I pictured my life getting back to normal..

He made me believe...believe that everything will turn out right...that i’ll be alright...that i’ll get my sight back...

All i think of now was how foolish i was to believe i could trust his words so easily...

he never weighed out his words....and now they hurt more than anything else...

I heard the door open and shut...i wanted to scream out loud...

Guilt started to crawl up on me but i was still furious...

truth is....

I DIDN’T WANT HIM TO GO... not really...

i wanted him to just...understand.

I didn’t want him to see me this way...not like this.

i felt worse for what i’ve done...then i heard the door open again..i hoped it was 3abdala coming back so i held onto my anger...on to my position that i was right for saying and doing what i did...but all i heard was 9ali7 rush behind him calling out his name..

“3bdalaa! la7thaa”

“9ali7 dam ehy tabi hal shay 5alha 3ala ra7t’ha, efham 7alat’ha o lat7ati mashyti hathi matghayr shay baini o baink”

“La la tkfa 3bood latamshii...dgeega o tahdi enshala”

“may5alf 5alha tahdii bnafs’ha o a7san eni amshi...”

i could hear 9ali7 came back... i sensed him close to me...

i was waiting for him to yell at me...to tell me i was out of line...what i did was rude and uncalled for... i heard him sigh...

and i held my breath as i waited for him to start...

“Lulu b7ayati mashiftich etsaween eli sawaiti tawa” more guilt started to rise with every word...

“abi ard lkuwait *tears*” 

“3bdala mala thanb...maga9ar weyana o adri enich ta3bana el7een o mqadr throofich bas ham ma kan ystahl eli sawaytii...”

“9ali7! *crying* bas abi aroo7!” i snapped so angry and mad...i wanted to scream my lungs out...

i pushed 3bdala away with what i did...i know that but i’m so mad at him!

Joury and 9ali7 tried to calm me down...

“Lulu mani fahma laish ga3d tabcheen?! layl7een manadri shilsafa”

is she serious?!

“wala ana! o eldr ma kamal kalama!” 9ali7 added

“ya3ni laish ga3d abchi?!” i asked sarcastically as i tried catching my breath...

I could hear them waiting...

“It’s never going to change is it?” 

“lulu..*pity*”

“*crying* it’s never going to...i’ll always be...this * gesturing to myself*... i never want to do this again...”

they tried to comfort me as much as they could...but as much as they tried...it just felt the same... 

They promised that they’re taking me home...that’s all i want right now...to be home.

i heard Dr.Maison’s voice in the background...a voice i never want to hear again...

“it’s better she rests...”

“i agree...we’ll bring her in tomorrow?” tomorrow?!!!

“sure...around 10?... i’ll schedule her in then”

“shno tomorrow...bas it’s over!”

“5ala9 mashi mashi” he agreed to basically shut me up...

“Thank you Dr. it means alot” 

i could feel joury pulling me away from 9ali7 as he continued talking to Dr. Maison...and i tried to reject whatever it is they were planning!

on the ride back i kept thinking of him...what i did and said but i was just too tired, i wanted to sleep it off...i laid down on Joury’s lap as the taxi drove...

“lulu 7abeebti we need to talk about what happened...”

“no we don’t”

“la we do, we need to discuss what Dr. maison talked about..”

“Joury please!”

she played with my hair the whole way...all i want...is to wake up from this nightmare.

we got to our place...and it was quiet...too quiet...he wasn’t here...

i got into my room and straight into bed as i heard whispering outside my room and a slight temper between 9ali7 and joury...i couldn’t care less at the moment...i knew it was about me and how i acted...but i just wanted to erase it all from my memory...all i kept thinking of was that...He wasn’t here...he just wasn’t...

and with that...my hopes of a future with him faded away into a mere wishful naive thought and a bitter sweet memory of what might have been...

i cried and let everything i was holding back out...i screamed into a pillow to mute my sorrow...i let the tears fall as they pleased...i freed myself from holding back...i let it out so i can breathe again...

i fell asleep hoping this pain will go away...

..........................................................................................

JINAN:

Things seem like they’re going on the right track for buttercup...

“he’s quite charming you know” i said as she rolled her eyes at me..

“now...let’s get back to reality”

“what? *confused*”

“stalker creep is going down”

“*giggle* i’m immune to him, he’s harmless...just”

“*raised eyebrow* looks like someone likes the company of a maniac”

“*KAAK* you got a point there, since i spend most of my time with you! *sacastic tone*”

she gave me one of her famous unpleased looks...

“you gotta admit it was a nice one though...”

“fine i’ll give you that...now let’s take that sucker down”

“god it’s funny how the roles have changed...”

“listen first things first...we need to ID him”

“mashalaaaa...and how are we suppose to do that”

“by reading what he wrote”

“OLA! that’s going to take all night!”

“whatever the cost, we shall not surrender!”

seriously...is it just me or doesn’t she sound exactly like me?...

hmm...friends most of our lives i guess it isn’t weird if we reversed roles every now and then...

so we read all the msgs he sent....some stood out more than others..

he knew things...things only people in my life knew...

honestly reading what he knew scared me...

in the beginning his msgs were more calm, asking ‘lovingly’ where i was, my plans for the day, when i plan to reply to his texts and msgs, when i’ll answer his questions... he kept repeating that he was harmless, reaffirming that he ‘loves’ me and could never ‘hurt’ me...

honestly he’s just making any idea i have for love DISGUSTING!

but then he got more demanding and aggressive, angrier with each msg I ignored...the usual psycho he was....

however the recent msgs he went back to the charming person he was in the beginning...i showed them to hanood...

“which means he’s seen you recently or knows exactly where to find you..”   

“yuma *scared*”

“i know!”

she paced back and forth in the room looking so serious and full of her self i totally wanted to take a swing at her but she interrupted me so a giggle sufficed... 

“enzain...  let’s see when he sends his first msg tomorrow...a msg that has specific info...”

“okay? *confused*”

“ugh keep up!!...that way we know when he’d seen you and we’ll trace back our steps, who we saw, who was there...fhmai 3ad!”

“THAT’S GENIUS!”

“*Smirk* i know”

“aham shay! *rolling eyes* ...”

a few minutes of silence passed between us...it wasn’t unusual to have what i call “reflective moments” where we’re just completely silent for no apparent reason every now and then...and obviously we were having one now...

i bet if someone barged into the room right now they’d probably assume we’re High...both our heads raised towards the ceiling, eyes gazing at a certain point and our thoughts drifting far and wide...

this is so superficial but i’m actually thinking of getting some new shoes...hmmm

“HAAAAAY! *SMACK*”

“A7777!! MAYNOONA?!!” she smacked me right across my face elhabla!

“9arli sa3a anadeech!”

okay apparently i was having the reflective moment...alone. :S

“shtabeen!?!!*holding red cheek*”

she pointed at my phone....

oh great...

i now have to worry about two things....STALKER CREEP AND JASSIM?!!....

as if one wasn’t enough...

jassim was calling..so i picked up the phone....

“alo?”

“ha 3asa mu nayma”

“la la ga3da...*staring at Hind oddly* ” i looked up at Hanood and my ass of a friend was doing weird dance moves and gestures as i was on the phone with him.... 

ok i get that I saved her from the shanks of marriage... but that girl HAS GOT TO GROW UP...

DOESN’T SHE GET THAT I CAN’T STAND JASSIM?!

“baqait shay?”

“sh3indich bacher?”

“bacher?...laish?” 

OH HELL NO!!!...

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO AND NOOOOOOO!!!.....IF HE THINKS WE’RE SEEING HIM AGAIN HE’S DEAD WRONG...

“ya3ni fathya?”

emmm NO?! actually i’m catching my stalker red handed tomorrow...

yep this is my life now...

stopping marriages, saving damsels in distress and catching bad guys all in a days work....honestly if you think about it I AM AN ACTUAL HERO!

LIKE A REAL LIFE SUPER HERO!...I totally have to come up with a name...bubbles doesn’t really suit moi...

“madri Jassim...lazm ashoof hind, ehya eli em5a6i6a shbnsawi bacher ”

“enzain shoofeeha o 3a6eeni 5abar...bacher blayl...”

“blayl?!”

“ee ya3ni 3al 8:30pm tkon tawha ‘3ayba elshams...”

“haw laish wain bnroo7?”

“Jinan entai bas shoofay”

i cut him off...

“ma3indna shay bacher blayl....t7acha”

“bsmla... ashoof mamdach ts2leen *smirk tone*”

“our plans are set for day time only...we never go out at night... elmhm sh3indk...”

“*chuckle* qasaman blah ma tghayartay...” i smiled for a bit...then wondered if that was a bad thing :S...

“dinner?”

“aa...” as i was thinking for a response to respectfully decline...i knew it was hopeless...I know him...one way or another, we’re going to dinner with them and there’s no way out of it...so i might as well cave in now...

think of it this way...the sooner it’s here the sooner it’s done and over with, right?...

“sure why not...agool 7ag hind enshala...6alal weyana 9a7?”

“aa..la2...bas ana weyach...”

HOLD IT....LA LA...I MUST HAVE HEARD WRONG...

REWIND....

“*clearing my throat* just us? can i ask why?”

“no you can’t” i can feel him smirking on the other side of the phone... for some reason i’m getting jitters in my tummy...

“Jassim i don’t know...i don’t think it’s appropriate, ya3ni...”

“it’s me Jinan...you’ve known me for 12 years...”

“yeah...but people change”

“*chuckle* some don’t”

“jassim just so we’re clear...this isn’t a...it’s not like it’s a...”

I COULDN’T EVEN  SAY THE WORD OUT LOUD... 

“please don’t say date...” i felt a bit of relief honestly...

just as i was about to exhale the words “Oh good...”

he manages to scare the hell out of me like old times...

“ ya3ni i wouldn’t put it in those terms...Dates just seem mediocre and cheesy...”

I looked up at hanood and she was eyeing me up and down with a hidden smirk behind that barely-there smile...like i just did something shameful...

Honestly it’s times like these that i want to inflict pain and suffering on her... 

As if i didn’t just save her life...YES  I SAID IT...

I SAVED HER LIFE...it’s time she did the same...

“aloo? ha? layl7een 3al 5a6? *chuckle*”

My heart is pounding...i honestly don’t want to hurt him...but i feel like he’s about to pull a prank like old times...i’d rather not get hurt in the process...

I bet he wants to catch me off guard or embarrass me or something! 

It just doesn’t make sense the both of us...plus does he really think we can work!?! and when was it ok to move out of the ‘friends’ zone to more than friends....i admit we never were the typical friends rather acquaintances but we DEFINITELY are NOT date material! 

*gasp* he’s going to stand me up tomorrow!!...ohhhhh that would definitely get me back for all the bad i did to him these past few days...  

what if he actually wants to make me fall for him just so he can ‘dump’ me and break my heart?! Ohhhh that’s so low! even for him...would he?....

“*breathing*...can i not?”

I hoped what i said was clear...that i didn’t want to go on a ‘date’ with him...

he actually didn’t take long to reply

“no you can’t”

“Jassim, 9ij eni a3rfk, bas elmafrooth et3arf ena ma3indi hal swalf, i don’t go out on dates or ya3ni”

“who said this was a date? *smirk* did i not just say it wasn’t a date?....”

“it’s not a date i promise yala 3ad 6awalteeha”

“Jassim! okay put it in a term so i know what this is...and if this is one of those ugly ass pranks, i promise you i will come back with guns loaded”

“you always have your guard up, don’t you?...”

i couldn’t reply...i don’t know why but i do,with him i do...as if he was able to hurt me...to really destroy the essence of me...and for that small second i couldn’t help but think...

am i scared of Jassim because he has the ability to really see the real me...i’m open with almost everyone except jassim, i’m comfortable with everyone and i’m confident...however he sees the walls no one else sees...the smile i put when i’m not really smiling...for some reason i feel like he can have a huge toll in my life...for better or worse...and for that reason alone, i tend to run the other way...

i don’t like confrontation, i don’t like being vulnerable and i don’t like losing control and with him particularly...i’m confronted, vulnerable and not in control!!! 

“Jinan it’s just dinner between old friends”

“*deep breath* you’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“ I don’t intend to, no *smirk*”

“fine, bas i need to be home by 10”

“got it...ashoofich bacher enshala”

“alla yaster”

“*laughing* shda3wa, yala 3ad, enshala 5air”

“enshala”

we hang up and next thing i felt was a smack on my face...

“YA 7MARA E3WR!!!” my hand over my cheek looking up at her with a death stare...she must have a death wish for slapping me!

“we don’t date ha?” 

“it’s not a date *looking away head held high*”

“aha...shno 3ayal?”

“just catching up...”

“catching up ha....3ayal you wouldn’t mind if i come along...since it is catching up and i know him too...*daring eyes*”

“Honestly i want you to come, bas mu beedii...elthahr maysta7milich *laughing*”

“ya kalba *laughing*”

“hanood...ya3ni wagt’hom...stalker o hatha”

“hathaaa *sly tone*”

“*smack* t3arfeen shga9di!”

“a777 *hand on cheek i just slapped* shtsaween ba3ad..”

“*sigh*...let me text baba and tell him about jassim..”

“your family is so cool *laughing* wala lo agool 7ag oboy i’m meeting up with an old friend from school who happens to be a boy and JASSIM nonetheless, ALONE!...i’d probably won’t see the light of day again *laughing*”

“yeah well my dad isn’t that far fetched from yours, bas he trusts me...*doubting* elmshkla my dad knows how much trouble we got into back in school when Jassim and I are together...”

so i texted my Dad and told him about me meeting up with Jassim...

first thing he asks, Is this the same jassim from highschool?...

i’m not surprised really so i texted back my answer...only to get a call from Daddy...

let that lecture begin...bsmla...

I answered the phone, dodged Hanood’s face and headed to a quiet room....

my parents can be bit overprotective sometimes seeing that i’m their only child...

The phone call was awkward at best...what’s the nature of this dinner was one of the questions..why just the two of u...and so forth...

i answered the best way possible, after barely agreeing with the idea of me and Jassim getting back together...as he put it..i just need to promise no law breaking or mischievous behavior...

to get that from my dad...

that was just embarrassing... 

  

..........................................................................................

LULU:

I woke up, i’m not sure what time it was, if  it was morning or night...if it was hours later or just a few minutes of sleep...I sat up, my head throbbing from the pain...i needed something for this headache...i remembered that panadol was always left on the kitchen counter...i got up...straightened out my shirt, it’s not like i’m going to see anyone but a force of habit...

i opened the door slightly trying to hear if anyone was around...from the silence i could tell it was in the wee hours of morning...everyone was probably asleep...

i held out my hand as i made my way to the kitchen...my hands feeling the walls...directing me....like they always will...

at that moment i could feel distant breathing...i could hear it...

“mno?” i asked whispering so low with a cracky tired voice...

“*clearing throat*.......... 3bdala”  i knew it was him..i knew from the moment he cleared his throat...i froze in place...waiting for something...

i felt hurt and bad for what i did...but i felt even more so betrayed...

he promised everything will be alright...i’ll get to see again...

I didn’t know what to say...so i turned around heading back to my room when i heard him call out my name...

“lulu...” i stopped...

what was i suppose to say to him now?....i over reacted?.. i’m devastated!....

he took away everything. everything.

“sam7eeni”

that’s all it took for my heart to ache once more...

i didn’t want to turn to face him, i wasn’t sure how i looked...if it even showed how hurt or how close i am to crying...so i stood there...my back to him...

his steps got louder and closer...i knew he was right behind me...i just couldn’t deal with this now...

“ensa elmawthoo3...” 

that’s all i could say...that’s all i wanted from him..from anyone.

to let this go...to forget about what happened back in Maison’s office...

to just put this past us!

“shlon ansa? ta3rfeen shilly ga3dt afaker fee lama mshait o khalaitich mthl ma 6alabtay? kel kha6wa akh6eeha a93ab mn elthanya...makent rathi eni a5leech! makent abi eni a5leech, mahma elnateeja kent abi ogaf weyach... 3ala asas ench t3arfeen ghalach bnsba li”

“ma baina shay o mara7 ekoon baina shay, 3bdala nafseeti ta3bana o mabi anagsh elmawthoo3...eli sawaita o mu3amalti weyak ghala6, o adri eni ghal6ana...bas el7een abi ansa kelshay...abi ard elkuwait o ansa”

I heard him slightly hold back his breath when i uttered those words...

I will never be ok with us being together, not in this state...i will not be seen as a burden...and i will never accept that notion..

“mara7 ekoon baina shay?...lulu shlon, shlon tgooleen hal kalam li ana? *soft tone*” he asked slowly as if he was carefully dodging my words...

it was as if that line alone set off an inner conflict inside of me...I teared up and i was fighting with myself to hold them back from falling...i will not cry in front of him...I WILL NOT!

I tried to hasten back to my room before i felt his hand tuck on my wrist... swinging me around.

“3bdala!” i gasped in astonishment...he’s never dared grab me like that..

“ma kent abi ela elkhair lich...alla ya3lm ena nyeeti 9afya, 9ij t2amalt ena el3mlya bt9eer mn n9eebich bas sma3tay shgal Dr. maison”

I interrupted  before he repeated those painful words earlier today...

“abi ansa eli sma3ta!”  

next thing i felt were both his hands holding my shoulders....

“3bdala!” i gasped once more...

“Lulu! tara kelna za3lna o kelna 7asaina eli 7asaitay fee”

he was making me angrier by the second...

HOW COULD THEY EVER KNOW HOW I WAS FEELING?! WHAT I FELT, WHAT I’M FEELING RIGHT NOW IS INCOMPARABLE...THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND!

his hands were still on my shoulders, i pulled back a bit...i didn’t want to go at it with him again...

his hands kept a firm hold of me..it wasn’t until we heard something in the distant that he let go of me as fast as the footsteps got more easier to hear... he cleared his throat preparing to talk...

i knew those steps...it’s 9ali7...

“Lulu? 3bdala? shmga3dkom?”

“9dfa, yay ashrab may o shift lulu ga3da” he answered cooly

“3asa bas 7alaytaw eli bainkom”

“mako shay baina” i spat back defensively

“ashwaa..” there was questioning in his reply...as if he was trying to get out more info..

“la bas layl7een maw9alna ela 7al”

“ahaa..Lulu...shlonich el7een?”

ay 7al?! o shga9dhom?!

“shno?”

“shlonich? *soft chuckle*” he’s trying to lighten up the air, i know him...

“zaina...ana rada anam”

“la7tha la7tha...lazm nt7acha bli 9ar”

“5ala9 9ali7, t2saft mn 3bdala...please ensaw”

“la ya mama, 3indich maw3d elyoom elsa3a 10 o btroo7een”

“mu mn 9ijk, ay maw3d! elmawthoo3 tsakar,”

“lulu masma3tay shgal eldr?” he asked doubtfully

“shsma3?!, eli gala wath7”

“shilly gal?”

what the hell? weren’t they in the same room i was?!

“ena el3mlya 5a6ra o mat9la7li”

“oo??” he added

“oo shno?! bas!”

“ma9adg!” they both sighed with relief simultaneously...what the hell is going on?!

Then they started to chuckle softly...as if something was lifted off of them....

“what’s wrong with you?!!” i asked on the verge of crying!

“Lulu 7abeebti ya omi ya aghla nasii” 

just when i thought i was going to cry...i was more taken back with his use of words...

he kept chuckling softly with relief and next thing i felt was his hand on my shoulder...

what’s with them and my shoulder?!!! is there a sign that says ‘place hand here’?!

“7addich 9aida tadreen”

shyab 9aida blmawthooo3?!!

“you lost me” that’s all i said...

“Lulu eldr magal hal shay”

my head turned in the direction of his voice...

i waited for a further explanation...i’m so lost right now it’s not even funny...

“Lulu, eldr gal” 

“hay! shga3d e9eer hni?” i could hear her sleepy voice a few meters away..

they explained to her how i misunderstood what dr.maison said and  basically told her what i heard....

Ok can someone please tell me what’s going on..my nerves can’t take it any longer! 

she giggled soflty as well...

what is going on?!

“7asait wala 7asait ena fee shay off!!! enzain!! ana bagoolaha!” she stated loudly...

honestly i don’t care who tells me what as long as i get answers! something to clear this whole thing up!!

“lulu dr maison just said that it’s not safe to follow through without any further, careful studying and it’s too risky to make a clear decision right now, he needs additional testing,weyay?” 

i nodded

“he said that your condition is not the usual or typical ones he gets, he needs to make sure down to a Tee what is going on with your eyes before he proceeds...there are alternatives and he believes that he can go about it a different way...bas maskeen ma mda ekaml kalama, ga6a3tee fa bnshoofa elyoom 3ashan en3rf shlsalfa”

“meaning that it’s hopeless why can’t you guys see that?!”

“oh my god lulu! there’s hope...that’s what he was saying! if plan A doesn’t work he’s going with plan B!”

i was quiet...there’s hope?! that’s not at all what i got...hope?...there’s a chance?...

i could feel that false sense of relief washing over me...and i instantly pushed it away...

i won’t be sucked into it again...my case is hopeless...i will not indulge in this childish fantasy that i might be able to see again... 

“you’re coming to the clinic tomorrow..it’s not up for discussion”

i nodded..

“bard anam” 

“9alay o namay athan elfayer”

“enshala”

I felt so bad for punishing 3bdala, but i mean there’s hope? really?

i felt like crying...but i’m too exhausted...

I prayed and changed down to my pjs...i got into bed as Joury’s words played up in my head...

that’s what he said! it’s true i remember...

but is there really hope...

and I lashed out on 3bdala...

he didn’t break his promise...at least not yet...

guilt accompanied me that night...i needed to really apologize to him, no matter the outcome...even if it states that i’ll always be this way...i had no right to go crazy on them...

this time...i’m going into that office knowing that i’ll always be this way...

i won’t be dragged through that roller coaster ride any more, i’m old enough to know that things aren’t always perfect...

i fell asleep dreaming of my old self...that girl that died along with the accident...i dreamt of my old life...the easier life.

i heard a knock on the door...

i felt a bit cranky since i hadn’t slept well... all i was thinking of was...is it time??

i have to admit butterflies were in my tummy....

“mno?”

“yala get ready” 

i got up and this time i dressed myself...

i walked out to hear the commotion over the dining table..

“9ba7 el5air!” 9ali7 said with a mouth full i might add..

i smiled and replied back...

he was quiet...

“emm 3bdala”

did i ever mention that i’m not a patient person? what ever i have bottled up has a way of coming out...

“asfa i over reacted ams, makan li 7ag aswi eli sawayta” 

i could here both 9ali7 and joury stop eating...i bet they’re staring at us...

“offf la yuba ma9ar shay, wala shayl shay ib galbi”

“akeed?”

“eee wala”

i felt like i could breath again...all things are set back to the way they were...all that was needed now was to see what Dr.maison has to say...

i honestly don’t want to go back to that clinic...i just don’t...i’m done with this.

.......................................................................

JOURY:

My poor lulu, this whole time she just misunderstood Dr.Maison...unless the three of us heard him wrong which is doubtful...i think there’s a good chance he’ll have something good to say today...

9ali7 has been a bit odd...well since yesterday that is...he’s gone from the cold weird person i met at the airport who was basically a stranger and not the 9ali7 i know....to sort of a creep! a sweet kind creep that is...

he’s always over my shoulders...his eyes on mine...

as if he’s counting each step i take...it’s just creepy that’s what it is..

but there’s something about the way he’s looking at me...i swear it’s as if he was telling me something with his eyes...

i keep brushing it off but i’ve known him my whole life...for some reason he’s being unusual! 

for a few moments my imagination gets the best of me and i actually belief that he’s...claiming me to him...as if i was his and i belonged with him... 

i’m probably going mad but if a stranger saw the way he was looking at me...they’d probably get that wrongful impression too...

I dressed down to my black juicy’s...i love how comfortable they are...wore my Celine t-shirt, wrapped a scarf around my neck and grabbed my Celine cross bag...

tied my hair up into a regular pony and had liner and chap stick on...

“yala mshaina?” 

“yala yala” i answered to buy myself a few more minutes...

Lulu was dressed down too..she wore her skinny jeans, a plain grey deep v-neck t-shirt and her Leather jacket on top...she looked kinda hot if i might add...

“ohh sh’hzain” i flirted...

“ee wala” i turned just in time to catch his eyes on mine...

that awkward feeling came rushing...i looked away...is it just me or did he intend those words for me?

COME ON JOURY! THIS IS 9ALI7 FOR GODS SAKE!

“yala?”

“a7taj akalmch ib mawthoo3” he whispered in my ear...

i turned to look at him with curiosity..

“shno?” i asked not wanting to wait

“ba3dain...baini o bainich” he added with soft eyes and a tender slight smile...

it was weird...i’m going crazy but he’s being WEIRD...

I nodded agreeing to whatever he has to say...

honestly i’m just worried right now...does it have something to do with lulu?!...

......................................................................................................